no shit, sherlock!

sry bout the title.. i had a thing for that phrase... and i hate everything i have in me now.. i know, i'm not the type who will close the curtains and be all gloomy. Don worry though, i wont change my blog's creamy background to some psychopath black and gothic looks.. i know i wont do that but people brace urself to some extra long ramblings or some depressive poems..

i know, i'm at that stage again. but this time it sucks.. literally.. it taking my whole soul and body, leaving me lifeless with no energy, no emotions to rely on. all my life i rely on those small bits of happiness and hopes about a bright future to
go on struggling in this terrible life but then something shut it all down.. and i cant find the silver lining no more.. i cant be the all so happy -or at least normal- ashlyn anymore.. i cant find the light.. not even the faintest one that exist at each dark realm.. this time, its just not there.. i cant find it... i shouted help but noone was there to help.. they gave me advices that i don want.. advices that tells me to jsut leave this realm and find a happy one but i don want.. like i said, i don like changes.. i like this realm and i wanna stay in it.. even if the darkness sucks out all my sould and every happy memories in me..

sorry, i can't do this anymore.. no matter what happened, no matter how much of my faults became the starters for this problem, no matter how much i know i am wrong, no matter how much i try to convince myself,no matter how much i struggled to stay strong.. i became weak.. maybe i am weak.. everyword i see, every word i hear slashed through my heart, deepening the wound there.. sorrow and lonelines trimph my sould once again.. and i wish that someone would just help me.. show me the faint comfort of light once more...