i'm back!

it's been a long time, i know.. but these days i've been talking in my mind. (not a looney! but just thinking wat i would write if my brain was my blogpage) and so, i finally got down to the computer and start typing. Hallelujah!

i just need a medium to vent out, i guess. i've actually stopped blogging cause i think blogs are pathetic and depressing. but i'll try not to depress anybody though my life kinda sucks right now. (everybody else: "our life suck too u know!" me: "fine!") well, anyway, i'm feeling a bit crappy and a bit down since morning. so i thought maybe some writing could cool me down.

Ditto! (i have no idea why i said ditto but for that moment i like the sound of it being there) oh ya, first reminder, please oh please do not misinterpret whatever junk nor craps that i write in here. i don't want my blogger friends to think of me as well, a pathetic gal who needs a life. i have a life k! sorry.. just had a rough time with people thinking the worst of me lately.

anyways, today i would like the touch the topic of school. muahahahah! nah... I HATE SCHOOL~! and i know everybody els does. (everybody else: thank you for that reference! me: welcome) *i should create like a mini virtual everybody else and virtual me, u know like in Lizzie Mcguire? it'll be cool* why do i hate school? simple. cause it's depressing. my best pal added that it's pathetic too. the thought of going to school, to be there in the mist of schooling environment, just depresses me. everything i come home from school, i get so worn out and sad.

i use to love school. it's where i laugh and meet up with friends, try to understanding subjects and talking to teachers. now, i just don think i do those stuff again. sure, i study and talk to friends. but what is the use of studying in school when the teacher doesn't really care or when you're talking to a bunch of friends who talk bad about you behind your back. that part is a huge 'ouch'!

sometimes, flirting and trying to please is stupid. because in the end, the only thing that should matters is your true friends, family and God. i keep on trying to convince myself that and sometimes i back down. so, i hope writing it down will strengthen it in my mind. And ya, i love God. He's been there so many time for me. and everytime i do something wrong or run away from Him, His arms are still opened at the end of the day to receive me back. He's a good God and Jesus Christ rox! thank you, amen. and family! lolz, my brothers and i are getting onto better terms. My first bro is obsessed with the Cahills and my second brother became my biology experimental white rat! lolz, i keep poking his bones when i tried to study about form 5 chapter 2. it was fun, nevertheless. friends? i'm have a lucky bunch. Yash, Daniel, Joyce, Jireh, Elaine, Narrie and maybe William. Well, at least i'm not in the 'i hate you' list of theirs. and they're cool people. some are extra close to me aka Daniel and Yash, two are neutral-ians aka Narrie and Jireh *so tempting to sing k-i-s-s-i-n-g song here*, one is my kindred spirit who shares the same crazy button i have in my brain aka Elaine though she is slightly crazier, Joyce the one who's okay with everybody and smiles at me when i need it and Will, who is well, always with Elaine.

so many people hate me and sometimes it's so surreal! the fact that i spend all this while toying with the snakes thinking they are fun daffodils. gosh.. it is just saddening to know the amount of people who hates me. and holding it in is even harder. so many times i want to just cry out to them and say "what the hell did i do to you?!" but i know that is not the writing to do. God says forgive your enemies and I shall always have the shield of truth against the fire arrows shooting down at me. I know He's with me and i shall be strong. i have my family, God and a few friends. I should be contented. ^^

signing out,

dearest ashlyn.

and oh ya! i have my my murder partner, Narvindran too!

Comments

qunyuan said…
Sometimes, your words and actions hurt. There must be a reason when someone or a bunch of people act such way to you. They won't just ignore you, or put you in their 'I hate you' list for fun. You must have done something that hurt them really bad. Those names you mention as friends, how sure are you that they are true friends? They have no difference with others, is just that they can forgive and forget. I really and sincerely hope that you can change, change into a better person. Well, you might say that if you change, you're not you yourself anymore. I hope you can change, change those bad things. We are ready to accept the new you, and we are ready to forgive. I hope you happy. By the way, it's better not to mention things in school in blog or even facebook. Keep it to yourself. Anything, feel free to refer to me.
MrJireh said…
Well..its kind of proud when you still hold yourself with God though you facing challenges. I feel so ashamed right now when I dont even dare to share any gospels..the good news to people.scare ppl will hate me for that. But it remember me of Paul..who said we shall not ashamed.
Chong..You have bought the most precious Insurance of all, byright it is free..it is greater than any things in this world.I believed that the challenges in this temporary world wont not defeat you to forsake the Greatest Insurance in heaven..that is eternity. I hope..through you..more ppls will get their soul save. You can do it! At least you have what ppl don have..forget about those Hating List..try to change but not forcing yourself. No matter what..no matter what ppl says! Stay firm with God! I guarantee all your tribulations are worth enough^^
wuan xinn said…
I never hate you...I think by now you should channel your energy into practical stuff like doing revision for the coming SPM.Don't be sad,be happy.^^
wuan xinn said…
It is true that you are different from others.But that is the special in you.You should be proud of yourself. Try your best to ignore the gossips...(although it is quite hard)Gambateh!!!
Ashlyn said…
wuan xinn & jireh: thanks!
Ashlyn said…
qunyuan: thank you.
Narvz said…
Your murder partner? I prefer to work alone, Ash. :)
Anonymous said…
well....ashlyn, in my personal opinion, instead of changing yourself, perhaps those people who are unable to forgive n forget should change.

they should get a life n learn to forgive n move on and find better things to do then have petty lil gal fights that are soooo middle school.

we are mature adults (at least i hope so)

anywayz. i 'think' u know who i am?

take care. BYE BYE

p.s. dun reveal my identity cuz lyk, hello! there was a reason this is posted by anonymous!!
Ashlyn said…
actually, i really feel like living a high school life, anonymous.. i thought only this happens in high school with all the popularity hatred.. middle school aint suppose to be that bad.. ya, u're right.. they need a life.. lolz... u're so obvious!!!! i know who u are like immediately!
Yashna said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said…
SO YOU WANT TO HAVE PETTY LIL GAL FIGHTS??? Well. Now that I know I'm the only mature one left. And btw, their fight are not only NOT petty but it is also for more shallow reasons like not being pretty enough.
Yashna said…
hmmm.....wat a post. LOLX.
Ashlyn said…
yash: u're a nutso.. and coming from me, u know it's bad...
Ashlyn said…
omg! my finger nails are better than urs, anonymous!

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