i'm back!

it's been a long time, i know.. but these days i've been talking in my mind. (not a looney! but just thinking wat i would write if my brain was my blogpage) and so, i finally got down to the computer and start typing. Hallelujah!

i just need a medium to vent out, i guess. i've actually stopped blogging cause i think blogs are pathetic and depressing. but i'll try not to depress anybody though my life kinda sucks right now. (everybody else: "our life suck too u know!" me: "fine!") well, anyway, i'm feeling a bit crappy and a bit down since morning. so i thought maybe some writing could cool me down.

Ditto! (i have no idea why i said ditto but for that moment i like the sound of it being there) oh ya, first reminder, please oh please do not misinterpret whatever junk nor craps that i write in here. i don't want my blogger friends to think of me as well, a pathetic gal who needs a life. i have a life k! sorry.. just had a rough time with people thinking the worst of me lately.

anyways, today i would like the touch the topic of school. muahahahah! nah... I HATE SCHOOL~! and i know everybody els does. (everybody else: thank you for that reference! me: welcome) *i should create like a mini virtual everybody else and virtual me, u know like in Lizzie Mcguire? it'll be cool* why do i hate school? simple. cause it's depressing. my best pal added that it's pathetic too. the thought of going to school, to be there in the mist of schooling environment, just depresses me. everything i come home from school, i get so worn out and sad.

i use to love school. it's where i laugh and meet up with friends, try to understanding subjects and talking to teachers. now, i just don think i do those stuff again. sure, i study and talk to friends. but what is the use of studying in school when the teacher doesn't really care or when you're talking to a bunch of friends who talk bad about you behind your back. that part is a huge 'ouch'!

sometimes, flirting and trying to please is stupid. because in the end, the only thing that should matters is your true friends, family and God. i keep on trying to convince myself that and sometimes i back down. so, i hope writing it down will strengthen it in my mind. And ya, i love God. He's been there so many time for me. and everytime i do something wrong or run away from Him, His arms are still opened at the end of the day to receive me back. He's a good God and Jesus Christ rox! thank you, amen. and family! lolz, my brothers and i are getting onto better terms. My first bro is obsessed with the Cahills and my second brother became my biology experimental white rat! lolz, i keep poking his bones when i tried to study about form 5 chapter 2. it was fun, nevertheless. friends? i'm have a lucky bunch. Yash, Daniel, Joyce, Jireh, Elaine, Narrie and maybe William. Well, at least i'm not in the 'i hate you' list of theirs. and they're cool people. some are extra close to me aka Daniel and Yash, two are neutral-ians aka Narrie and Jireh *so tempting to sing k-i-s-s-i-n-g song here*, one is my kindred spirit who shares the same crazy button i have in my brain aka Elaine though she is slightly crazier, Joyce the one who's okay with everybody and smiles at me when i need it and Will, who is well, always with Elaine.

so many people hate me and sometimes it's so surreal! the fact that i spend all this while toying with the snakes thinking they are fun daffodils. gosh.. it is just saddening to know the amount of people who hates me. and holding it in is even harder. so many times i want to just cry out to them and say "what the hell did i do to you?!" but i know that is not the writing to do. God says forgive your enemies and I shall always have the shield of truth against the fire arrows shooting down at me. I know He's with me and i shall be strong. i have my family, God and a few friends. I should be contented. ^^

signing out,

dearest ashlyn.

and oh ya! i have my my murder partner, Narvindran too!