I Wanna Stay Strong

Princess

2011-04-22T15:59:00.003+08:00

I wanna be Kate Middleton!!!! lolz. it's okay. i just wanna be a princess, that's all...

But the funny thing is that they keep comparing Katie with her late mother-in-law. talking bout how Kate will never match up to Princess Diana's beauty. and i'm like errr... okay. cause personally, i think they both are pretty. dont understand all the fuss.

and seriously, the royal marriage is EVERYWHERE! Literally! it's in the papers, yahoo frontpage, TV; everywhere u turn, u see their faces.

i kinda pity poor Katie, smilling there for God knows how long. I think she has a personal face masseuse for her poor cheeks after all that grin. at every turn, she has to SMILE to everyone and anyone. i think she's very nice for doing that. *grins*

But then again, getting married to a king-to-be is a great deal to smile about...
hmmm...

Library

2011-01-06T16:20:00.002+08:00

Daniel made up this anthology for me but I thought it would be better if I share it with you guys. He used the thing that I love most. Books. So if your favourite item is not book, IM me, and I’ll make another anthology for you, only this time it is signed with my name and not Daniel’s. Whatever he said goes something like this:

Close your eyes. Imagine you are in a bookshop or library (whatever your choice is) with only two racks. On the very last end of one of the racks lies your favourite book. In my case, He used the last book of Vampire Academy series. It wasn’t my most favourite book but it was a book I couldn’t miss after reading the first five of Vampire Academy novels already. Then, walk slowly, step by step, and tentatively between the two racks towards the direction of your favourite book. Bear in mind that as you walk, the racks surrounding you are filled with books. Heavenly books. All of Jane Austen, Nicholas Sparks, P.S. I love you, Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Twilight Saga, The Poison Garden and lots and lots more interesting and fantastic books.(sorry, kinda ran out of books here) One question now. Will you stop? Will you stop, pull out one of the books there and start reading there and then or will you keep on walking towards your favourite book still waiting for you at the very end. Think properly.

You see, this is the same thing with life. Like I said, we’re all facing a dilemma. Constantly bragged by the question of this or that. This or that? In this case, the favourite book represent your dream job or course. The other interesting books on the racks are other options. Some of the books represent easier courses, others represent stable jobs. But they aren’t your dream jobs. So if you have stopped to read the books on the side instead of your favourite book, you lost the fight. You gave up your DREAM for something simpler and less meaningful to you. Is it worth it?
Nope. But we are still fearful creatures. One of the main reasons why we didn’t reach out to the last book is because we are scared of failure. So so scared that we always let our dreams slip away from our hold.

At seven, I was a Power Ranger. I was always either the yellow or the pink ranger. I was so sure I could save the world and the dream was further enhanced when I learnt Taekwondo. I was ‘pretty’, could speak English and knew how to kick ass. All I need was just an audition and ,bam!, I will be a Power Ranger. But then time passed, dream faded. I was no longer Power Ranger. No longer a small girl.

At twelve, mom told me about this cool job called air-stewardess. Continent jumping and pretty make-up, dang, I wanted it. It was a very cool job to me –and still is- with all the grandeur of travelling around the world for free in pretty uniforms and all you have to do is serve. I was ‘pretty’, on my way to be a taller girl (the height doesn’t really bothers me due to the existence of four inches stilettos) and I could speak politely. I mean, this job is mine! But then time passes, dream faded. I was no longer an air-stewardess wannabe. I felt uglier.

At fifteen, I was a writer. Fascinated by the linguistic world, I wanted to join in. I read books, strung verses of poetries, wrote stories and blogged. I was fluent in English than most of my peers at that time. I mean come on! I love English and I know English. How hard can that be, right? Since some of my peers really do believe I was that good. But then time passed, dream faded. I was no longer a writer. I felt stupider.

At seventeen, I was a Yale student. If I could score well in SPM, Yale shouldn’t be a problem with tons of hardwork and God’s blessing. Heck yeah, God said “For with God, nothing shall be impossible”. Go check Luke 1:37 if you’re not convinced. I wanted to be of an English Literature major with –if God permits- creative writing minor. Time passed again, dream started to fade again but this time, I have held on to it. God has written all his promises in the Bible. If God said in Jeremiah 29:11, “I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you HOPE for”, then I shall believe in Him. If two promises are not enough, there is another one in Jeremiah 32:40. In there, He said that He will never stop doing good to us. So fear not!

I write this today not to tell you what is wrong or right. But to tell me that I should take a leap of faith. Faith to me comes and goes. I am human so it is okay if it happens to me. However, that still shouldn’t be the excuse to not have a strong foundation of faith. As a believer of Christ, I shall believe in Him with all my heart and strength for there is no one who knows me more than He does or loves me more than He does. He himself is the epitome of LOVE. Originally, this post ended with a prayer but to me prayer is personal. Something between me and God only so i edited it out. That's all for this post. I end it with prayers that God may bless you too.

lots of love,

ashlyn

Cherry Chapstick

2011-01-06T15:15:00.002+08:00

William: They say if your ‘fore-toe’ is bigger than your ‘toe-thumb’, it means you can no longer grow bigger.
Hazelle: No! *crosses her arms over her chest* My poor boobs!
William: *blushes* No, no. Not that of course, that’ll grow. Just your height.
Hazelle: *blows out a sigh of relief*

Howdy everybody! The above conversation did take place but it was in Mandarin. I thought it was funny so I wrote it here. Now, I think it’s funnier in Mandarin. Anyways, ya, I have no idea what ‘fore-toe’ and ‘fore-thumb’ are supposed to be called. I merely replaced the word ‘finger’ with ‘toe’ because we call the ten pieces of metatarsal bones wrapped in muscles, skins and nails as toes and not fingers. Fingers are for metacarpals. (Did I get the bones’ names right?) No, the aforementioned William (originals names are replaced to protect the privacy of the victims) didn’t name them either, he just pointed them out to Hazelle.

Okie dokie! Now, how’s life? ^^ Bad? Horrible? Good? Wonderful? (wondering where is ‘fine’ here?) My life is…. Busy? I don’t know. I’ve been working! Ever since 15th of December 2010! I just finished my last exam that day which is EST short for English for Science and Technology. Watched a thrilling (thrilling is the entitled word for only the middle part of the movie, the ending is OMG! In a stupid way) movie called Skyline (seriously, the airplane is wicked!) that day. About 15 minutes to end, I was brought to shop. *sob sob* too bad. But it aint too bad when you consider the fact that I am working for my parent’s shop which is the ricebowl for my family and my future. So what did you guys do? Working or slouching at home?

Now that school is over, I found out that, I am a bit cut off from the other world. It’s a little bit weird but I am not complaining which is even weirder. Trust me; I used to be a desperate attention seeker, so not having many friends is a shocker. But I am cool. I still sms with Narv and sometimes Brandie. I call and sms Daniel everyday like always. I call Yashna once in a blue moon? And I see the church members during G2 or Sunday Church. Life aint too bad. I just don’t have time to socialize much. Am thinking of visiting the national library soon when I get my day off. Anyone interested to come with me?

Since that the above topics are gone and over with, let’s talk about the future. Gak! No! I am not a psychic. I am talking about ya know, tertiary studies. So, anyone made up their mind yet? For me, the most important thing is the result. Unless you are Shane, then you do not have to worry much but if you are not Shane and you are like me, well, SPM result determines everything.

A) It determines the scholarship you’re eligible to apply for.
B) It determines the University you’re eligible to apply for.
C) It determines whether you are going to cry happy tears or sad tears on that day.

So, it’s very important! I kinda wish the result would come out already. I just wanna get it over with. I am still in a dilemma. It’s about the future. I know everybody is going through this; sort of the exceptional one or two who are born with their future written on their forehead..There must be a lot of questions in all of your minds now. What should I study, where, when and can I or even should I? That’s a lot to figure out for a 17 years old but hey, they don’t call us young adults for nothing. I need an educational talk. Any idea to whom I should refer to about this super important topic? BTW, for those who still haven’t make up your mind. Fear not, for God is here! Ya, just pray to Him. He knows us better than ourselves and I trust Him enough to place my life at His hand. Whatever He does with it, I do not mind for I know I am in good hands. So eventhough I have my future in a rough sketch already, I wouldn’t mind if God have a whole different plan for me and squashes my imaginary castles in the air. He promised that He will always do good to us in Jeremiah. So, whatever He does, it’s for your good. ^^ Have faith everybody! I should have more faith too! Trust in your God, the Lord for He is Great!

That’s all for this post. Till next time, lots of phileos to whoever that read this. Means a lot to me that you guys stick with me and read my posts. Thank you.

Love,
Ashlyn

Hola?

2010-12-08T17:35:00.002+08:00

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

I love the aforementioned verse and I have all the reasons to. ^^

Well, today is the last day… sort of. I have short of two papers to go but then no more science subjects!!! I am feeling quite disturbed right now. I feel depressed? I don’t know but I do not have the sense of freedom like everybody else. I feel kinda down. Perhaps it is because I still have two more SPM papers to endure?
But I think the main reason why I feel under the weather right now because I do not think I deserve it? I don’t know… I felt as if I did not work hard enough especially for my psychics to deserve this break or this sense of freedom. Plus, it aint really freedom. I heard that tertiary study is pretty hardcore. Nevertheless, I made it through High School. Almost…
I still do not feel seventeen-ish eventhough I have long passed my birthday. When I was in Form 1, I would look up to those in Form 5 and go “wow, they seem so cool!” Being seventeen myself this year, I don’t see anything cool about being seventeen. I am still me. Okay, fine… Maybe a slightly more matured me? But I feel dumb. I really do. Sometimes –ok, maybe everytime- I look back into my past I go like, “OMG! I am soooo stupid!” lol. Ok. Fine. That was a bit exaggerated but you get what I mean, don’t you?
But it’s over now. All I should do right now is move forth with a better personality. Hopefully, I can change into a better person. Someone great God intended me to be. …. Sorry, I am feeling quite speechless right now… I think I wanna go take a nap. I’ll blog again next time. Probably this Friday. See you soon!

P.S: sorry if this post is depressing ++

P.S.S: song for the day! “I will boast” by Paul Baloche.

love, ashlyn...

Forever More

2010-11-03T23:07:00.002+08:00

Lolz. I don’t know the reason why I wrote forever more but it popped up in my mind and so I wrote it down anyway.

For this blog, I just wanna shout it out loud that I miss writing. Heck, I miss reading too! (cry) it has been such a long time and hiatus. I keep pushing it away for the sake of education but I really miss the spirit in me. I read some essays a few days back and I felt the beauty of language during then. I wondered at that moment if I could ever write something like that anymore. SPM is gruesome! It kills people (well, we see suicide every year from those who failed BM right?) and it kills my creativity (i'm not the only victim!). I no longer could write as fluently as before. I get so bored! I still have stories and scenes running through my head 24/7 as usual but when I try to write it down, I feel so discouraged. But I shouldn’t be like that right?

I still remember that it was a few days after Deepavali when I was in Form 3 when I started writing seriously. Yash and I called each other’s house phone at like 1 am, talking about the plot for FMN. Looking back, the plot had been a little silly. But it's fantastic now with a few tweak here and there. We altered it a lot. Yash has like three version of FMN. I have 2? I have 2 plots though, that I am sure, but I couldn’t write as fast as Yash so I never did reach the three version of FMN. And ya, FMN is so dear to me. I love all my characters whether they are cheesy or not. I really wanna finish it after SPM. I owe it not only to Yash –who completed FMN- but also to Hazell; she deserved an ending. Oh ya, I wanna add here too a thank-you note to those who have helped me so much in writing. I never thought I would end up being so in love with this language. For a moment just now, I felt like I was writing an acknowledgment. Gak! Whatever, I just need to vent out.

So, thanks a lot to Yash who lent me Twilight Saga, quarreled with me endlessly, taught me the beauty of English though indirectly, understood my speechlessness and of course my silly theory of aura. And oh to my other writing buddy, Narv, my little Dan Brown! Lolz, he is so caring that he’s such a dear. Of course, there are other people in my life too that mean a lot to me like my parents, God and oh ya, Daniel who is always there no matter what. ^^ God bless all of them!
I’m smiling right now as I type, u guys mean a lot to me. I want to make this blog a private one but I know I have classmates who want to read my blog though they don’t have one so for now, it is still a public one. It is good too that I don’t make it a private blog, I need to face the public, be it a nice crowd or not. I’m starting to feel a sudden rush of emotions right now. I wanted to thesaurus emotions and use another word but my dictionary is out of battery so let just forget about that. And ya, for those whom I didn’t list down their name in here, don’t worry. U guys aren’t left out. I will always remember you, whoever you are and whatever you did to me. One day, if I ever publish a book where you are one of the inspirations for my characters, betcha I’m gonna put ya name right there. Ok, maybe not since I might make you a bad guy! (;P)

I don’t know. I really don’t know. That will be my answer if you ask me what I want to do after SPM. I have my future in a rough sketch; I’m still waiting for God to darken the lines for me though. I don’t know what to do, I hope God will show me the way and I pray that He will help you guys too. I have a bad foundation in English and I need to work on that now or ok, maybe after SPM. For now, all I know is that i want to do something that is related to my passion.

I end this post with wishes of all the best to all my friends out there! May God bless you and all the best in whatever you do –and ya, I’m talking about SPM here. I love you guys!

love,
ashlyn

Incoherent

2010-09-20T19:05:00.004+08:00

we laugh, we cry, we lean on ya, we detach ourselves from ya, we live, we grow and we become... Teenagers...

LOLZ. ok, i was just looking at my past emails and found out that well, i've changed a lot. everyone has. i guess all of us grew more mature in some sense, we learn how not to be pathetic, be stronger and be appreciative.

in this post, i don know how many people will read this. but i just want to say, thank you so much to all my friends for always being there. i know i don say it much but i really appreciate you guys... and yes, yash, i'm also indicating u here. thank you.

i remember, when i was in primary, the big deal then was, "Do you friend me?". Now, thinking back, i find it all a teeny bit pathetic. But it's true in some ways, that we shall always need a friend. but a true friend, well that's another different story.. and it's true. One true friend is worth a thousand of normal friends... i feel very incoherent right now.. so i'll probably post more when i feel...well more coherent. have a nice day. God bless...

dearest, Ashlyn...

i'm back!

2010-08-18T12:34:00.006+08:00

it's been a long time, i know.. but these days i've been talking in my mind. (not a looney! but just thinking wat i would write if my brain was my blogpage) and so, i finally got down to the computer and start typing. Hallelujah!

i just need a medium to vent out, i guess. i've actually stopped blogging cause i think blogs are pathetic and depressing. but i'll try not to depress anybody though my life kinda sucks right now. (everybody else: "our life suck too u know!" me: "fine!") well, anyway, i'm feeling a bit crappy and a bit down since morning. so i thought maybe some writing could cool me down.

Ditto! (i have no idea why i said ditto but for that moment i like the sound of it being there) oh ya, first reminder, please oh please do not misinterpret whatever junk nor craps that i write in here. i don't want my blogger friends to think of me as well, a pathetic gal who needs a life. i have a life k! sorry.. just had a rough time with people thinking the worst of me lately.

anyways, today i would like the touch the topic of school. muahahahah! nah... I HATE SCHOOL~! and i know everybody els does. (everybody else: thank you for that reference! me: welcome) *i should create like a mini virtual everybody else and virtual me, u know like in Lizzie Mcguire? it'll be cool* why do i hate school? simple. cause it's depressing. my best pal added that it's pathetic too. the thought of going to school, to be there in the mist of schooling environment, just depresses me. everything i come home from school, i get so worn out and sad.

i use to love school. it's where i laugh and meet up with friends, try to understanding subjects and talking to teachers. now, i just don think i do those stuff again. sure, i study and talk to friends. but what is the use of studying in school when the teacher doesn't really care or when you're talking to a bunch of friends who talk bad about you behind your back. that part is a huge 'ouch'!

sometimes, flirting and trying to please is stupid. because in the end, the only thing that should matters is your true friends, family and God. i keep on trying to convince myself that and sometimes i back down. so, i hope writing it down will strengthen it in my mind. And ya, i love God. He's been there so many time for me. and everytime i do something wrong or run away from Him, His arms are still opened at the end of the day to receive me back. He's a good God and Jesus Christ rox! thank you, amen. and family! lolz, my brothers and i are getting onto better terms. My first bro is obsessed with the Cahills and my second brother became my biology experimental white rat! lolz, i keep poking his bones when i tried to study about form 5 chapter 2. it was fun, nevertheless. friends? i'm have a lucky bunch. Yash, Daniel, Joyce, Jireh, Elaine, Narrie and maybe William. Well, at least i'm not in the 'i hate you' list of theirs. and they're cool people. some are extra close to me aka Daniel and Yash, two are neutral-ians aka Narrie and Jireh *so tempting to sing k-i-s-s-i-n-g song here*, one is my kindred spirit who shares the same crazy button i have in my brain aka Elaine though she is slightly crazier, Joyce the one who's okay with everybody and smiles at me when i need it and Will, who is well, always with Elaine.

so many people hate me and sometimes it's so surreal! the fact that i spend all this while toying with the snakes thinking they are fun daffodils. gosh.. it is just saddening to know the amount of people who hates me. and holding it in is even harder. so many times i want to just cry out to them and say "what the hell did i do to you?!" but i know that is not the writing to do. God says forgive your enemies and I shall always have the shield of truth against the fire arrows shooting down at me. I know He's with me and i shall be strong. i have my family, God and a few friends. I should be contented. ^^

signing out,

dearest ashlyn.

and oh ya! i have my my murder partner, Narvindran too!

lolz but true.. maybe la.. i don know...

2010-02-25T21:20:00.000+08:00

the pic says it all... ^^

2010-02-12T20:38:00.008+08:00

i came here to post something n found out that my theme contain a guy with very very low pants and tons of muscle! argh.. sure he's hot but seriously, it would give others the wrong perception of me.. but then again, malas to change la.. just pray that whoever that reads my blogs will have fast internet reception so that my PINK background -something so innocent compare to the ehem, hot guy- will download faster and cover, well his pants... plus, i onli chose it cause i like the white background...

anyways, like i said, i'm back here to show u guys something...

Now this is what i call, DADDY'S LOVE~!

i think this just scream out this statement,

"haih.. my child" lolz

now, this pula is mummy love.. ^^

moms will go beyond everything just to see their child smile... (even if it means looking like a moron. lol.)

this one last pic is something i called, "Parent's Love" (i think i wanna barf...)

hehe... frankly speaking, i have no idea why i uploaded them.. maybe i think their cute.. or maybe the fever is killing my brain cells... hmmmm...

hey guys...

2010-02-06T10:38:00.003+08:00

well, u can see me again! woops! well, actually the onli reason i am typing here is because i'm procrastinating against studying my sejarah.. and ya, i skipped school today... shush... don tell anybody! lolz... well, so anything's up guys? well, i am somehow praying tat i'll be able to go to church later on.. i'm crossing my fingers... i guess that's all... don know wat else to say... ^^

P.S: u guys got to know its hard to type when ur nails are long... so excuse me please...

ok...

2009-11-23T16:11:00.000+08:00

MY BLOG IS..... DEAD...

oh damn it...

2009-11-03T15:57:00.003+08:00

i kinda have super rough time with the words when i start writing... it was pretty hard... oh here, the result now.. hope it's readable.. n thanks for reading it...

Tell me, what am I?

Am I your princess?
The one whom you praise and behold upon
Whom you will never stop thanking for
The one you wish to bless

Or am I your toy?
The rag doll whom you cast and tear
Like a punching bag you hit
The one you blame when troubles draw near

Am I your soul?
The other fragment of you
A mind reader with cures in possession
The one you call when you’re broken

Or am I a fragile glass?
An ornament on the mantelpiece
Dusted everyday and gazed every while
The one you treasure yet never touch

Am I your angel?
A pretty fleck of pink in the sky
The unreachable dream
The one you cherish and wish for

Or am I just another girl?
A substitute to solitary
Randomly picked, a mere lucky catch
The one you discard when passion dies

haha.. my turn!

2009-10-16T20:06:00.002+08:00

wrote this on the 1st oct but onli posting it now.. oh n i'm going half crazy cause there is no INTERNET in my house!!! oh.. i'm using the one at my dad's shop now... anyway.. i have ntg big to say except to post this.. pls comment.. (wink) lol.. feel so quizilla-ish...

The Daughter of a Mistress

A thunder loams over
And then the mist shuddered by,
Uncovering something mystical
Unquestionably unknown

I walk a path
Joined and entwined by others before me
And as I walk down the path,
The markings lined up to
A warning to life

About a great shield I must prepare
And a sword I must thrust in time
Against something greater than thunder
More blinding than mist
The one person in white

Cause as the prince galloped mightily
In his trusty white horse,
In a white tux,
I was resisting;
Not compelled

For love couldn’t be trusted
And no man could be bonded
Eve was made for Adam
And not the other way round
Should faith be placed on Adam
Should Eve leaned everything on one person
Cause IF she loses him,
She loses everything

But a thunder loams over
And then the mist shuddered by,
Uncovering something mystical
Unquestionably unknown

A conviction amplified
A lock encrusted
To the bond I was resisting
Eve was made for Adam
I was made for him

And no matter how resistance I am
I could only put up my shield for so long
And hide my sword till that one prospectus day

When sun shines over
And I accept the unknown

Crap Alert...

2009-10-01T21:44:00.002+08:00

ya.. u heard that siren.. unfortunately, it wasn't written by me.. i could never write sweet n romantic stuffs like this.. it's a curse, i guess...

i think tat it's very lovely or maybe i'm just bias... either way, just enjoy the poem...

n it is suggested that u:

a) read while listening to this song "Everything" by Lifehouse
b) read then listen to "Everything" by Lifehouse...

either way, it's fine...

You're My Everything

When we first fell in love
I thought that nothing could compare
To the magical romance
That you and I had come to share.

But as time passed, feelings deepened,
And our closeness grew
The romance turned into
A real and lasting love with you.

You care for me in all the ways
I want and need so much.
I’ve felt your warmth and tenderness
With every word and touch.

I know I can depend on you
For support and honesty,
That patient understanding
That you always give to me.

There’s a special kind of happiness
That only love can bring,
And I’ve found that happiness with you...
You are my everything.

here u go.. have fun!

A One-way Ticket to Nowhere

2009-09-23T19:13:00.007+08:00

u were late..! u missed this issue!

My Heart on the Line. My Life on the World.

2009-09-17T16:07:00.005+08:00

this post is deleted.. so sorry...

something that i think u could relate to...

2009-09-09T19:58:00.002+08:00

ok.. someone pls kill whoever that said Form 4 is a honeymoon year... Heck no! its more like torture year... n btw, did anyone of u notice that we're nearly finishing our Form 4 year and that Form 5 is just 'round the corner? seems like just yesterday i was complaining bout the Gerak Gempur and searching Shevita or some maths teachers to borrow calculators from...

ARGH! n then before we know it, it'll be SPM n then graduation and then the whole menggangur kerana tidak tahu mau belajar apa stuff.. or go to some expensive colleges n graduate without any idea bout the future.. n..n... well, u guess get the idea...

conclusion: i miss holiday (sob sob) can someone pls drag Form 4 yr? hectic or not.. i so prefer Form 4 than SPM year...

err...

2009-09-08T22:15:00.001+08:00

so sorry for not updating.. but here's the thing.. i'm kinda packed with projects, homework and stuffs just like all the other Form 4 students and i am having a terrible writer's black.. so this might explain everything... right? so sorry for those who love reading my poems... when i get my h6n1 back, i will definitely post them here.. so sorry for the disappointment caused, though i have a feeling someone might rejoiced after reading this post... that's alll i guess... have a nice day!

love,
ashlyn

ya... just another poetry...

2009-08-18T19:28:00.002+08:00

Trust me

I’m not a child
There’s no need to hide me
Cause when the blue bells ring
It will still be mine to go

I’m not a woman
There’s no need to protect me
Cause when love ones are hurt
The war still is mine to brawl

I’m not a man
There’s no need to judge me
Cause when the hottest iron struck
The hurt still is mine to cry

I’m not an oldie
There’s no need to support me
Cause when troubles tumble by
The wisdom still is mine to exploit

I’m neither this nor that
I’m me, I’m I

well, i'm embarrased by my earlier post... don wanna talk much bout it though... so.. did ya enjoy the poem? the best part? its all written in 100 words onli!

Competition

2009-08-13T13:38:00.004+08:00

Time: 13:40
Venue: ICT Lab SMKBU
Danger Rate: 5 Stars

Specks of amber rays
warming little toadstools
craze of bees
swarming little tulips
Cries of cricket
summoning the night
as bright lights
hung overhead

the little joy of nature
caresses every soul
yet they are harmed
sentenced by cruel hearts
by mere acts of humanity

help us save the nature
Lend a Green Hand

n this was written back home...

well, i need ur help guys... err, cause for the second sentence of almost each para, i am clueless of which one is better... so tell me which one u think fits more...

Lemony scent prickled misty air
As meadows of green line beneath the stars
/ As dragonfly danced in the air

Warm golden rays smiled upon earth
As ants hurry in their burrows

Dried leaves littered everywhere
As the cold breeze tickles by
/ As chipmunks scurried by

Pristine water bounded into crystals
As snow flacks starts to fall
/ As tortoises fall into deep slumber

The blessings of Mother Earth;
We shall not forsake

Join us for a brighter future…

i reached three digits!

2009-08-07T22:23:00.001+08:00

wow.. my last post was the hundredth post... cool!

answer

2009-08-03T14:06:00.002+08:00

cause everytime he said, "Don't go." my heart winched.

and everytime he said, "i want you here." i literally felt a slash on my heart.

is it a right choice to hold on? to see him suffer every agonizing seconds? does he know that i never wanted him to be hurt??

too many questions left unanswered...

and the heart has no answer for now except one thing, it's not sure whether it can still be whole without him...

special edition....

2009-07-23T22:24:00.002+08:00

That its not written by me.. but someone very special to me... enjoy!

Truth

As rain falls the day turns dim,
With a low glow in the cloud so grey,
I see the truth that lies within;
the sun was just starting to shine.

Wind blows as evening falls,
The setting to the sky like burning flames,
But the truth that was never revealed,
What a sight for an evening glow.

As blue sea jars rushed as waves,
The sun shining on my pity face,
The truth that was never the same,
For a love for you
For an eternity lay…

argh....

2009-07-22T18:29:00.004+08:00

err... it's 6.32 n i'm skipping tuition n listening to rock songs (when i do that, u know i'm a little off) n drowning myself in the darkness of my room (i closed my curtains) n throwing my pity party.. i know.. i'm a wreck!

will i be your just another great girl in your life?
will you be my just another great guy in my life?

lalala CRAP!

2009-07-13T19:43:00.003+08:00

here;s another one... i don have a real point when i was writing it so its just a freeflowing thing.. it might be bad.. nevertheless, enjoy..

HOPE

Cause when I see the dawn settling in
The sun rising above us
I wonder if the day would freeze
To spend some time with you

And when the clouds loom over
And sunny rays blocked away
I wonder if the day would smile
To see the smile on your face

And when breezes flew by
Caressing the air
I wonder if it would call out
To your name in my mind

And yet when night fall asleep
And the world quiets down
I wonder if you would stay
To fend my hopeless heart…

Ha!

2009-07-07T17:12:00.002+08:00

as requested.. i can post something that is not crap, okay? look, i'm doing that now...

1) me sad sad cause me din fmn...

2) my love life sucks.. not sure if its even called a love life...

3) i hate lies and liars...

4) i have like 4 books left unread... i know, i should stay away from books...

5) those who like piano songs, try listening to Maybe by Yiruma.. tell me what u think bout it...

6) me sad sad cause homework not done..

7) me more sad sad cause lisan not done...

8) me also sad sad cause there is physic and add maths tomorrow..

9) hehe.. i skipped tuition... again.. so sorry!

10) i'll try not to skip tuitions...

and voila.. ten updates bout my life.. ^^

hey...

2009-06-29T22:34:00.003+08:00

this isnt a crap.. but a call for help.. this is one of the very very few poems that have my feelings in it... yup, my true feelings... its for him... i hope he knows it..

its called: A Token of Cherish

before the sun rises,
before the robin sings,
before the day rolls,
i want to hear your voice...

when i open my eyes,
when i hear my heart,
when i watch the horizons,
i want to see you in me...

after a dreadful day,
after playing my characters,
after another round of cruel games,
i want to know you're there for me....

as you trudge in life,
as you sing your songs,
as you say goodnight,
i want to be your reason to hold on,
i want to be your favourite shelter...

i love you...

so if anyone sees him, anyone knows him, anyone has his contact, please tell him not to push me away and tell him i love him... please and thank you...

sincerely,
ashlyn

oh ya, another one...

2009-06-22T19:11:00.002+08:00

i found out that this poem means differently to different people.. tell me what u think...

The Meaning Of Care

As I lay still at night,
My heart slowed,
My mind wondered,
Are you sound asleep?

As I looked up the cleared sky,
My eyes blinded,
My senses alert,
Are you safely cared?

As I ate my meal in the evening,
My tummy filled,
My taste buds sleepy,
Are you well accommodated?

As I washed by the clear waters,
My body refreshed,
My soul washed,
Are you in pain by facades?

As I stared at my reflection,
The perfect me,
My exact copy,
Are you being comprehended?

its actually for someone i love.... and me wondering how he is.. so, what does it actually mean to u?

Crap + Crap = ??

2009-06-21T12:46:00.003+08:00

hey.. its the double craps again... i found out i never posted this one.. its one of those few romance poems that i wrote.. so enjoy...

Connotation of kisses

Kisses they say are meant for love ones
A touch of never-ending love
Of an unbroken promise
A string of unsaid words
All bound together in one moment

Kisses are the act of giving
Twisted with courage
A gift so preciously
Packed with trust
And tied with ribbons of endearments

Kisses others say are merely a brush of motion
That combines two souls
Those that are blinded with love
And whose hearts are filled with
The nectar of a first true love

Kisses to me mean the cruelty of judgment
Against two individuals
Who wanted no more
Than a part of another’s world.

@ All rights goes to Chong Hui Ying

and another one.. this is just written.. inspired by what Lishaanth said that he could never believe that i could fall in love... this poem is not me, just a deeper more troubled person.. enjoy!

The Charm of Love

It came silently
Seeping through my consciousness, my consent
For I never foresee the little spark of gold
In my every grey days

Long have I toiled
Mending souls and precious hearts
And forsaking the nagging loneliness in me
For the sake of others
And also for the sake of moving on

Firecrackers, firework and pretty butterflies,
Never cease to exist in my world,
As I watch them take effect on others,
A pride of green drowning me.

But as I worked up yet another stitch in another heart,
I was caught between those threads,
Pushing it, resisting it,
Only to find myself more tied against my will…

And so I learned to accept,
Learn to blend,
Searching for a gateway form this horrible conscience,
That blinked in contrast,
Saying words I do not want to hear,
That I might be in love…

But when the escape stood wide and welcoming,
I found myself holding back
Believing in nothingness
That maybe love could just work this time,
And allow me to dance once more
In its magical melodies…

@ All rights goes to Chong Hui Ying

i think i got it back!

2009-06-13T17:06:00.006+08:00

ok before i say anything else, CRAP ALERT should be put up first.. i got my flu back! YIPEE!!! ok, it may be bad lo.. cause i have lost it.. now regaining little by little, i have yet to reach the full from of life.. plus, i din have the thesaurus with me...
but still, enjoy...

Humanity

As lapping water caressed the little crooks
Smoothing boulders into shiny moon stones
Whispering silent lullaby to moving fishes;
Travelling back to sea and fro.

As branches of the tallest Ash blew petals of green,
Tunneling mighty roots over thick soils,
Its silvery trunk houses lives,
Knocking softly every morning.

As the dry Pacific wind cruised over the globe,
Picking and dropping nimble stuffs,
Creating a mass of humble dancers,
Twirling with the speed of its music.

As the great bright amber hung above the sky,
A star; thousands of miles away,
Enlighten black abyss,
Blessing with warmth and protection.

As the little round beauty sparkled the night,
Specks of round gleaming around it,
Leading the way for nocturnal
And enhancing the romanced air.

Brilliant humans walked on the surface,
Among blessed agricultural gifts,
Crushing and trashing every natural geology,
Jeopardizing the heart of Mother Earth.

maybe there will be some stuff u don understand.. so pls ask..

ah man!

2009-06-12T12:50:00.002+08:00

i think i lost my flu.. i can't crap anymore!

a girl in her girly momentos

2009-06-07T19:58:00.004+08:00

I went shopping with mummy n its A BLAST!!!!

i finally bought a skirt!!! a jeans skirt.. for those who doesn;t know my fashion kstyle, i have a thing for skirts.. jeans skirt to be exact.. maybe its cause that's the onli thing my mom use to but for me except one or two pair of jeans.. and the last time i bought a skirt was Form 2, i think..

n there was a jumble sale!! i saw t-shirts!! and there is this shirt that is totally adorable though its kinda big for my size, and guess what it says? it says:-

CRAZY BUT FUN

Which i think its very cute in my account since most of u refer me as crazy and oh, there is one more that says:-

I GOT AN A+ IN TALKING

they're so cute! i insisted to buy them both even though there is a size prob and the colour of both shirts are similar.. but they're only 10 bucks so hurray for me!

i know i'm being girly girl right now but pls forgive me..

i'm back!!!!!!

2009-06-02T16:14:00.002+08:00

ok... lets cut the craps... err, camp was ok... but i was dreading the torture everyday that i feel bad cause in the end, there were no tortures at all.. i mean, all those time in the camp i was like, tonight they're going to torture us and when tonight comes and torture never came, i said tomorrow or tomorrow night and it all turns out that there wasn;t any torture at all!

oh, i'm skipping chemistry tuition as i type.. i know, i'm a bad girl! but i wont skip tomorrow's tuition! i'll at least try not to.

n i have stupid writer block which is stupid and annoying.. i just hope it fades.. soon!

i guess that's all for today.. goodday and adious amigas...

bear in mind that its not a poem...

2009-05-28T21:53:00.000+08:00

i don know what to think anymore
life is making its turn
n i'm not following it,
mind wise i mean...

my body just moves towards it, like it was the most normal thing to do on earth
but i know it isn;t
everyone knows that it wasn;t
but does this stop the walk?
does this stop the journey?
does this stop me from hating myself
no
no
no

life is never easy..
never will,
but it killing me slowly
pieces by pieces
slices by slices
one by one
torn till the darkest abyss...
it lets me be someone

someone whom i never know
never like;
the replica to my life....

yup, u guessed it, another crap

2009-05-20T22:37:00.003+08:00

ya, so i MAY have the H6N1 CTAELD shawn was talking bout but i'm proud... don wanna get infected? come on, a little more literature and artistic-ness doesn;t hurt... right?

Enjoy!

A TAUNTING GUILT

Born in the darkest night,
When nothing was ever surreal enough

Cause when u approach and seek its touch
It shimmers and disappears

Vaguely and barely covered bout the realms
I venture under curiosity
And u know what they say;
Curiosity kills the cat

But instead,
This time, a cat
Was not killed
Rather a heart was slashed

There was no intention
No purpose
Just the sole meaning of need
The need to know
The need to belong

And yet,
So much was lost
So much was given up
All in the name of naïve

It was not even close
Not even there
The feeling that feigns in my heart
And lingers for a while

Cause in the end,
It was the like a wave
Crashing upon a huge cliff
And this so happens to someone’s heart
That reality showed no mercy upon…

CRAP ALERT! (u have been warned)

2009-05-17T19:40:00.003+08:00

Wrote this during English paper 2...
plus, the persona is a boy so enjoy!

When Angels Sleeps…
As I watched her eyes flutter
In random flips
As she grew dozy
I couldn’t help but to adore.

To adore the fire that burned so ablaze,
Falling so silent in the world of slumber.

To adore the peaceful tranquility that was seldom seen,
Set blankets on her beautiful eyes.

To adore her little heart that worked so hard,
Moving in constant and simple thumps.

To adore the rose in her cheeks that fueled with embarrassment,
Growing paler into a set of champagne.

To adore the great mess of hair that waged her cruel hands,
Laying in comfort upon my hand.

To adore her flinch that was ever so slightly,
As I lay my hands on her.

And as I watched her breathing slowed,
Quiet in my arms
As I hummed to her,
I couldn’t help but to wonder,
If angels sleep.

tell me the persona u felt when u read (angel) cause sometimes it felt like a normal boy in love but then it also sounded also like a man holding his daughter...

and u can skip this one.. its deeper.. and yes, it was written during the exam too...

A Little Warrior
I have a heart
Like no other
Bearing existence in me;
Calloused with pain,
Stained with tears,
Slashed with words,
I still kept it safe
To not be broken
Like no other

I have a heart
Like no other
Beating lightly in me;
Enriched with hugs,
Painted with kisses,
Caressed with live,
I still kept it safe
To not be healed
Like no other.

I have a heart
Like no other
Fading inside me;
Wrecked with poison,
Torn with time,
Broken with medic,
I still kept it safe
To not be taken
Like no other
By God’s mighty hands.

the persona is a guy with a heart cancer... can be a girl too whoever u want but when i wrote it, i feel from a guy...

if u stayed true to me till here,
tq very much...

hehe.. sorrry, another crap...

2009-05-14T23:13:00.002+08:00

when will one be content with love?
the fact to just have that someone to be beside you
to be with u?

or to just know that he will always love you
no matter what?

or to just be able to cuddle and make love to them
and cherish each intimate moments?

or to just have them belong to you
belong to no one else but you?

or to have them all dress up like a prince charming
compact in a package as a romantic, hot and charming fellow?

or to just know that you love them to the deepest of your heart
and you will never give them up?

or to must have the constant attention and affection
shown to you?

but deep, deep down,
if u truly love someone,
i guess, what i would be happy with
is just the fact that he will always love me no matter what

he don need to be a prince charming (though i wouldn't mind)
he do not need to be intimate (no complaints if he is intimate)
he do not need to always give me attentions (yup, still wouldn't mind if he is attentive)

but just to know that he loves and cares for me
FOREVER ^^

i don like this at all

2009-05-12T20:11:00.004+08:00

after this long,
we hope something will strengthen
and it did,
but it wasn't something good
jealousy overcome us
ego's played the little devil's role
cards were turned
and hearts torn

the will to not lose
send us both to our dooms table
waiting impatiently
for a chance to savor us.

is this wat becomes when one are too close with another person?
cause as i see now,
u fade further from me
engaging into a relationship
as if u tired of ours
i thought we had it strong
but i have to think again

never bother to listen to my words
that sometimes just wanna advice u
to help u form the impending doom
but u shrug me away
and regard me as selfish and irrational

fine, have it ur way...
just don come crying to me one day

guess wat?

2009-05-12T19:04:00.001+08:00

i used a lot of the word 'bitch' in my story which isn;t 'b**chy' great cause it is not really nice... stupid, Nevdeep!

this is rather fun

2009-05-11T16:26:00.002+08:00

*Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.
*They have to be real. Nothing made up!
*If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers.
*You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What Is Your Name : Chong H.Y
2. A Four Letter Word : Cold
3. A Boy's Name : Caleb
4. A Girl's Name : Cassy
5. An Occupation : Cook
6. A Color : Cream
7. Something You'll Wear : Checked dress or skirt
8. Any Noun From The Bible : Curse?
9. A Food : CHEESE~!
10. Something Found In The Bathroom Or Your Bag : Cookies? (well, when i but one from the pendidikan khas student and bring them home)
11. A Place : Canada
12. A Reason For Being Late : Can't wake up
13. Something You'd Shout : CHOCOLATE!
14. A Movie Title : CatDog (they ought to have a movie right? or there is also thsi show, call Cat and Dog war i think)
15. Something You Drink : Chocolate smoothies
16. A Musical Group : Coldplay.. (i kinda cheated and searched the net on this)
17. An Animal : Cat
18. A Street Name : Cable Car road.. the net says that its somewhere in singapore
19. A Type Of Car : Camry ( a type of car? is car a type of car?)
20. The Title Of A Song : Circus by Britney Spears

i wonder as the wonders in the sky

2009-05-09T00:03:00.002+08:00

sometimes as i watched you sleep,
i wonder if you are an angel

sometimes as i watched you smile,
i wonder if it was for me

sometimes as i watched you cry
i wonder if my heart were mere glasses

sometimes as i watched you dance
i wonder if i was your partner

sometimes when i watched you grow
i wonder if beauty doesn't blossom

and sometimes when i watched you fade,
blurer and futher from me
i wonder if there was another chance...

sorry.. its terrible... but its 12.09.. give me a break!

lalala

2009-05-06T14:53:00.000+08:00

oh shit.. i so did not say those words did i? oh shit! (stop cursing!) ok.. oh honey and butterflies.. ugh...

like the brightest star in the sky

2009-05-05T18:28:00.001+08:00

i wanna shine.. bright against everything but sometime i am overshadowed.. why? like hello? it is that impossible to believe i can do something like that?! argh!

i got... tag... not not kisses.. just tagged...

2009-05-04T15:07:00.002+08:00

001. Real name : Chong H.Y
002. Nickname(s) :Chong, Ying, Hui Ying, Ash, Lyn, Ashie, Ashlyn and even sometimes Chylyn
003. Age: 15
004. Zodiac sign : Cancer
005. Male or female : Female
006. Elementary : Sekolah Sri Lethia
007. Middle School : another Sekolah Sri Lethia but was in SMK Batu Unjur since 13
008. High School : SMK Batu Unjur
009. College school : Aiming for Oxford! hehe
010. Hair color : Black
o11. Long or short : long? not tall? i think i'm average
012. Loud or Quiet : LOUD
013. Sweats or Jeans : i don know... i'll just wait for a genius to make a sweat jeans, maybe?
014. Phone or Camera : Camera...
015. Health freak : yes! but not that tight though...
016. Drink or Smoke? : NO WAY!
017. Do you have a crush on someone : now, no. past, yes. but if u count imgainary ones, yes
018. Eat or Drink : Eat
019. Piercings : Had it twice at my ear but lost them..
020. Tattoos : EWWW! thats so unhygenic...
021. Social or Anti-Social : SOCIAL
022. Righty or lefty : i guess, right.. this is not something u choose u know.. it just comes to me that i have to use right...

First:

023. First piercing : standard two? cant really remember..
024. First relationship : a gf and bf one will be 13...
025. First Best Friend : Tan Sin Ying? but those were bad memories...
026. First Award : i don have a elephant memory, u know!
027. First Kiss : still waiting.. (don u dare to get any idea, boys!)
028. First Pet : err... i had many.. i think it was Rocky? He was a Rotweiler.. does fish counts?
029. First Big Vacation : i think its probably... ah oh... i cant remember...
030. First Love at first sight : i don really believe in that.. sure, a guy can be hot.. but LOVE is not something that easy to have...
031. First Big Birthday : i don think i have one..
032. First Surgery : a teeth surgery? that would be my age seven i guess..
033. First sport you joined : TAG! Ur it!
034. Orange or Apple juice : Apple juice!
035. Rock or Rap : er.. a little bit of both?
036. Country or Screamo : Definitely COUNTRY!
037. NSYNC or Backstreet boys : er.. what is NYSYNC???
038. Britney spears or Christina Aguilera : Britney!
039. Night or Day : Night
040. Sun or Moon : Moon
041. TV or Internet : TV
042. Playstation or xbox : i'd never tried X-box so i don know...
043. Kiss or Hug? : Kiss.. hehe...
044. Iguana or turtle : TURTLE!
045. Spider or bee : beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............
046. Fall or spring : Fall...
047. Limewire or iTunes : Limewire i guess cause limewire is free!
048. Soccer or baseball : ROUNDERS! its almost like baseball... (i suck at football)

CURRENTLY :
049. Eating : ate.. i made myself a plate of SPAGHETTI!
050. Drinking : nothing... err... salive?
051. Excitement level : low..
052. I'm about to : update FMN
053. Listening to : was listening to Breathe by Taylor and Colbie.. SUPERB SONG!
054. Plans for today : MUST EDIT FMN!
055. Waiting for : extra time.. i so need time...
056. Energy level : low...
057. Thinking of someone: er.. cause that someone tagged me.. i guess, i am thinking of my revenge on her...

YOUR FUTURE :

058. Want kids? : DEFINITELY!
059. Want to get married? : yes.. yes... YES~! a simple wedding would be nice....
060. When : When i am ready...
061. How many kids do you want : probably two.. but i would love to have 4! two boys and two girls..
062. Any names on the mind: Probably Apple Jane (family name)... for boy will be Terence.. another girl maybe Colette?
063. What did you want to be when you're a kid : an air stewardess...
064. Careers in mind : WRITER!!! or maybe i could settle for a nutritionist.. but writing first!
065. Mellow future or wind : Mellow future.
066. Something you would never try : i don know...
067. When you want to die? : depends on my mood.. but mostly not anytime soon...
068. Lips or eyes : EYE!
069.Romantic or Funny : a little bit of both maybe.. or maybe just funny.. i don know!!!
070. Shorter or taller? : Taller
071. Protective or Caring : Both~! and it gets kinda annoying!
072. Romantic or spontaneous : er.. both? but more of spontaneous...
073. Nice stomach or nice arms : arms? stomach.. i don know...
e074. Sensitive or loud : Sensitive
075. Hook-up or relationship : what does hook-up means?
076. Trouble maker or hesitant : Trouble-maker!!! muahahahahah...
077. Muscular or normal : Normal
o78. Kissed a stranger : EWW! i don want STD! nor HIV!
079. Broken a bone : sadly.. never tried... could be kinda cool u know!

HAVE YOU EVER :

080. Lost glasses/contacts : i don wear them...
081. Ran away from home? : din have the guts of the wild instinct to do so...
082. Held a gun/knife for self defense : Would love to.
083. Killed somebody : never but would enjoyed doing so...
084. Broken someone's heart : Ouch.. sadly, yes...
085. Had your heart broken : i don think so.. maybe just a little.. but mostly, i wasn't about crush of love...
086. Been arrested : NEVER!
087. Cried when someone died : yes...
088. Liked a friend more than a friend : thats how u develop crush, right?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN :
089. Yourself : not really.. think so, i guess...
090. Miracles : DEFINITELY...
091. Love at first sight : No
092. Heaven : (nod)
093. Santa Claus : hope so.. but not really.. if yes also, onli in Europe... he never comes here...
094. Sex on the first date : NO!.. onli sex after marriage!
095. Kissing on the first date : only on the cheek.. a girl has to play hard, u know...
o96. Angels : (nod) "i believe in angel!!! Something good in everything i see"

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now : (cry) YES!! (whine)
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life : contented.. a little gua..
099. Do you believe in God : DEFINITELY!

I finish it at last!

CRAP ALERT!

2009-05-02T21:49:00.001+08:00

ok, i know.. i know.. ur probably all fed up with my poems but i have to put this up cause its written through inspiration by a friend.. Michael Meyers aka Narvindran has inspired me to write this when he told me that when he was standard one, he use to wonder why it rains.. and till now, he doesnt know why.. so, here is for narvindran or michael...

“Why does it rain?” he asked.

a little boy ran towards me
his hair splashed and body quivered
with his cheeky smile and curious face
he asked a question that made me scowl

cause to me, it's quite too queer
for such small figure to ask such big question
but like someone great had said;
when they are old enough to ask
they are old enough to know

so gave him a smile and a pet,
and answered his question,

I told him that the rain was there to cool Mother Earth
to cool little sister's tantrums
to cool daddy's pain after work
and mummy's fret after a day

I told him that the rain was there to wash Mother Earth
to wash the scoot on his face
to wash the mud on his shoes
and the dirt on the lonely alley

I told him that the rain was there to help Mother Earth
to help hope stay in us
to help us hold on to faith
as it sprinkled rainbows after a pours

Rain was there to help us
and it is still here
forever and always

voila and adios...

The Picture Of You And Me

2009-04-30T23:14:00.002+08:00

yup, when I'm tired and sleepy, i get crappy n when i get crappy, i type rubbish.. so here goes another piece of rubbish...

I have it great
Had it treasured
All solid and clear
The picture of me and you

We shared everything,
From laughter, joys to sorrows,
Over a plastic cup of punch in
The picture of me and you

The smiles plastered
On our faces
Never fade in
The picture of me and you

And mom was right:
It’s just a picture of me and you;
A mere sweet remembrance
Against the bitter truth.

here.. something romantic...

2009-04-30T21:45:00.002+08:00

and ya.. this is to those who said i aint romantic!!! (in ur face, suckers!)

Connotation of kisses

Kisses they say are meant for love ones
A touch of never-ending love
Of an unbroken promise
A string of unsaid words
All bound together in one moment

Kisses are the act of giving
Twisted with courage
A gift so preciously
Packed with trust
And tied with ribbons of endearments

Kisses others say are merely a brush of motion
That combines two souls
Those that are blinded with love
And whose hearts are filled with
The nectar of a first true love

Kisses to me mean the cruelty of judgment
Against two individuals
Who wanted no more
Than a part of another’s world.

w.o.w

2009-04-30T21:41:00.001+08:00

unbelievable! i spend the whole day reading a very nice and touching love story to have the ending blow up at my face.. that freaking guy who seemed so in love and so sweet through out the story was actually one big jerk and... WOW.... i expected a happy ending and not something this bad.. the writer is being mean.. very!

i'm back!

2009-04-28T20:01:00.001+08:00

lalala... and do not post the comments such as "Were you ever gone?" or "When will you be gone again?" or anyway near that... i reapeat! DO NOT!!!!!!!

they said or rather she said that hope and faith are the essenses to my life

2009-04-25T18:47:00.004+08:00

before u read, pls be aware that the grammar for this post is HORRIBLE

i was stuck in the deepest place
a total lost at where i am
or what i want
there was no light ahead or anywhere near me
it was just dark, cold and lonely
and all those things were enough to make a wound opens in agony

i scrambled around,
searching for something,
anything that would hold me
that would calm me
that would make all this pain gone
and to make me whole again

then again i found nothing.
all lost in this place,
am i suppose to keep searching?
when i already know there is none help
am i suppose to keep hoping?
when there was nothing to hope on
am i suppose to keep a faith?
when there is nothing to believe on

NO
was what the brain tells me
but YES
was what a small part of the heart says

i wish so much to listen to the brain
and end all this
but is it worth it?
to give up what u don have?
or rather
to give up what u haven have?

No;
so i listened to the heart
and search once more
this time,
harder than never
cause i know if i don not find it now
i will never do

and there it was,
barely a shimmer
but to my dark little spot,
it was as if the heaven opened its gate
a smile crept up
with the jollinees that arisen
and those two were all
to make the whoel dark spot
shine like never before

and so i guess,
hope was there after all
if u just have faith

i said no shit! NO SHIT!

2009-04-24T14:43:00.003+08:00

oh BTW, the post before this has nothing to do with Emma... nor has this too...

just asking, if u ever wondered that i was once also a puppet?
with no pupetter with me except God,
till u came along, with intentions to help me but i guess it wasn't

it was when i was fresh
way before any real self-esteem came over to me..
when i was still new and barely alive in this new world...

but somehow i found my way,
i wanted to show myself,
to show that i'm worthy to be with u
that i'm also good
n i don wanna be look-down by u no more..
cause everyday in the past,
i felt darkness clouding over me,
pushing me further and further
into the water,
drowning me
closing the blinds against the light.

but then i learned to swim,
to swim against the current,
to grab hold of what was holdin me down,
n i hold on to it,
hard..

why?
because i had died once and no more am i going through it again
why?
because i hate it down there
why?
because i finally found the light
and it was all too tempting and salvating for me to let go.

but then just like how i had grown,
the one thing i was holding to,
laying all my life to,
broke free from my hands
and did it once more
pushing me down

onli this time,
the water was deeper
and the current was stronger

i no longer shed tears
no longer whine
but instead,
my heart bled
and my soul died..

no shit, sherlock!

2009-04-23T22:35:00.002+08:00

sry bout the title.. i had a thing for that phrase... and i hate everything i have in me now.. i know, i'm not the type who will close the curtains and be all gloomy. Don worry though, i wont change my blog's creamy background to some psychopath black and gothic looks.. i know i wont do that but people brace urself to some extra long ramblings or some depressive poems..

i know, i'm at that stage again. but this time it sucks.. literally.. it taking my whole soul and body, leaving me lifeless with no energy, no emotions to rely on. all my life i rely on those small bits of happiness and hopes about a bright future to
go on struggling in this terrible life but then something shut it all down.. and i cant find the silver lining no more.. i cant be the all so happy -or at least normal- ashlyn anymore.. i cant find the light.. not even the faintest one that exist at each dark realm.. this time, its just not there.. i cant find it... i shouted help but noone was there to help.. they gave me advices that i don want.. advices that tells me to jsut leave this realm and find a happy one but i don want.. like i said, i don like changes.. i like this realm and i wanna stay in it.. even if the darkness sucks out all my sould and every happy memories in me..

sorry, i can't do this anymore.. no matter what happened, no matter how much of my faults became the starters for this problem, no matter how much i know i am wrong, no matter how much i try to convince myself,no matter how much i struggled to stay strong.. i became weak.. maybe i am weak.. everyword i see, every word i hear slashed through my heart, deepening the wound there.. sorrow and lonelines trimph my sould once again.. and i wish that someone would just help me.. show me the faint comfort of light once more...

punch u then u know!

2009-04-19T22:34:00.003+08:00

ok.. someone don like me.. n it hurts... like hell...

the point is, if u don like me n started ignoring me from the starting itself, then it's ok.. but don u dare to be all nice and best friend towards me n leave me when u don need me anymore!! Now that is when it hurts.. yeah, how does it feels like? it feels like someone stabbing into your heart or maybe the gut. Slow and swealing pain building up with every moment you ignored me! HECK, yes! I'm talking to you, JERK!

i know.. shouldnt let it get to my head but it hurts, ok? i don know why they don like me.. did i do something wrong? if yes, tell me cause i have no idea what it is... and yash said why get it to my head but i cant get it out, darling.. to all of u who knew me, i did not take the previous Tasha's issue pretty well n what do u think i will take this one nicely?

Emma, Emma (no, the previous name might be too obvious, Nik.) i don know why but if u hate me, spit it out on my face cause it sure does feels a lot more better than u giving me the cold shoulder! Shit u, EMMA!

JUICY!

2009-04-15T20:57:00.007+08:00

latest latest darling! fresh from the press.. and before i start, let me tell u all that it will be bout kenny rogers today.. (wink wink to jess) ok now, i know i shouldnt say this but kenny roger's underwear was red or maroon today.. (i don know how to differentiate them.. in the middle i guess) NOT MY FAULT! he was showing it to all of us, ask lishaanth! he saw it too..

and heard from a trustable source kenny and K broke up... yes! they broke up.. J doesnt want to tell me now so i got to dig the rest tomorrow.. i'll keep u guys updated.. till the, update me!

you know you love me,
GG

and no, kenny is not nevdepp.. about his undies, i'll post it next...
"where gossips turned reality into something called... fantasy"

a touch of love

2009-04-14T15:24:00.004+08:00

ok here is Gossip girl number two..

latest new, yup D broke J's heart.. OUch Ouch ouch.. but J is revoering (way to go guy) and bout C? well, i gave him a piece of my mind.. guess, i finally revenged for L..

and man am i pissed off.. baidurian cheated.. the whole class and yes, i'll admit it, its not fair our class didn't get to..

but nevermind.. i'm a good girl.. another news, R was seen pretty down.. said his friends were betraying him, but we all have that moments too so don give up.. and remember to update me if u ever want a girll

u know i cant write without gossips.. and S is still going after goody girl F.. wonder when there might be a spark?? F even said he look kinda (odd?) but hey, u'll never know when Cupix will get busy again..

till then, don miss me too much
GG

Gossip Girl

2009-04-09T19:49:00.005+08:00

the first update by yours truly,

C was seen by P and L, flirting with H. C just broke up, is he on the strike so soon? Personally, i pity L. i think C and L are so meant to be together.

M was found out flirting with J, and yes, i kinda agree to that but i cant be bias cause i'm the reporter... any more updates from my fans?

and D is to break J's heart, so that he might be with M... Is it worth it? i don really think so..

thats all for now, see ya later

and yes, everything just went one step more delicious.... and i heart IT! cant help it, some gossips are too juicy!

you know you love me,
gossip girl

*gossips are made tedious by rumours*

it's raining from your eyes..

2009-04-08T19:22:00.003+08:00

sorry i hit u guys with another poem.. i had this in my mind when i was really sad that time... few days ago and i wanted to post it up.. if u still wanna read it, go ahead.. and true be told, its not great but i liked it cause it contained lots of emotion in them when i was in my mind...

there are tears
that are shed to make great sunshines

there are tears
that are shed to make the clouds gloom over
and block the silly ever-so-bright sun

there are tears
that were meant for just a plain blue sky

there are tears
that are shed for the fear of thuderstorm

but worst of all
there are also tears
that are shed because you were afraid of
the sun, clouds, clear sky and thunderstorm
and all you want is to break free
from this everlasting curse

and this one was just plainly written down because the title soehow inspired me to.

there are tears in you eyes,
brimming at their bottom,
red with fear

there are tears in your eyes,
flowing down the cheek,
making great splots of water when hit the ground

there are tears in your eyes,
that made your lips quiver,
with fear or ecstasy,
i could not muster

there are tears in your eyes,
that i wished to be wiped off,
but its impossible to do so,
when there are more behind

just like the raining from the sky,
falling down beneath the dark clouds,
endless and abundance,
making great misery to some
and great happiness to other;
it's raining from you eyes...

and yes, i have a thing for repetitive front lines (aka anofora, epifora and responsi, hee hee but mainly anafora) even my song writing had that thse repetitions but i cant help it, sorry...

listen to me

2009-04-05T23:24:00.002+08:00

blink once
and you shall see the door

blink twice
and you shall need to open it

blink trice
and you shall walk the path it led to

its all as simple as three blinks but the consequences differs greatly.. its not easy so be careful of what you chose...

remember there is always someone there,
waiting to catch ur back,
waiting for you to run back to his/her arms...

often, they try to make the ways for you,
open UR doors with their hands and
pushing u along the path they offered..
all because of their own selfishness..

but a true friend though does that,
will still be there for you,
when he/she senses there is something rotten
in the door u chose

listen to them for they do u good...
look properly,
is this the one u truly want?

take a step back
take ur time
u have plenty ahead..
just let me help u,
and help u help urself
u know urself that,
the path ahead is not what u dream for...

be happy always,
ashlyn

Confession

2009-04-04T13:16:00.002+08:00

"Niki, no matter what happens, i'll be there for you. No matter what. So give me a call when u need me. I'll be waiting." i closed the phone, ending the voice mail i just send to her. I just hoped it will raech her.

hello!

2009-04-02T16:52:00.001+08:00

ok, first sorry for not updating

second, is... err.. i don know what to say anymore in blogs.. what do people usually say? about normal stuffs right?

ok, let me try.. well, i need to rethink a plot and i got it (thx to yash) but i am super lazy to write!

oh! n i have another book to read! n ekonomi isn't that hard when u ignore the stuff i got to memorise.. chemist is turning into jeberish...

physics lagi worst! bio seem fun... until the part where u need to answer and memorise stuff...

overal, school still sucks... adious and lots of phileo,
ashlyn

a little knocked-off...

2009-03-28T19:38:00.000+08:00

I look at him and I just stared. I couldn’t take my eyes off him; did not want to. I just want him to be there, in my gaze… To be mine… forever.

cool!

2009-03-25T21:06:00.002+08:00

this book 'waves' is like super cun.. now onli at 90 something but i know its super cool d.. so heartbreaking n touching.. especially those who have brothers (younger one) you will be so kan tong! i mean, i onli have small brother and always dream about having elders one but in this book, sure, the smaller bro is still a pain in the ass but man, he's so ... i don know.. for the sake of his sis, he did everything he could.. he was so devastated.. pooor guy...

acknowledgement

2009-03-21T01:16:00.004+08:00

i read in one book that an author usually writes an acknowledgement as an excuse to not repay you something.. the philosphsy (the spelling is kinda off) is quite simple.. as they explained:
a) if the author says: thank you ....
that means you aint getting your 5 bucks back
b) if the author says: I can;t say how much i thank you
it simply means, you aint getting your 20 bucks back...
c) if the author says: i owe you forever or i'm forever in debt with you
you know you aint getting your 100 bucks back...

but don worry.. the below acknowledgement is not something that involves not paying back any money or any properties borrowed except that Lishaanth owe me my Account book.

so first i would like to thank Lishaanth or Jeremiah (no, i still dislike the name Jack) for giving me the last push and made me finish the essay in exact 1000 words..

and yashna for editing (lots of phileo!)

and narrie for helping me out (she helped with my second essay)

and kevan for trying out my first and second essay

and brandon for.. i dont know..

and whoever else that i might missed out.. thank you!!!! dont worry. if i win - i strongly doubt that fact-, i'll still thank all of u...

livejournal

2009-03-19T21:09:00.001+08:00

i think those are pretty cool.. anyone who wanna switch blogspot to livejournal???

smile

2009-03-11T20:34:00.003+08:00

me back! sorry for the poem.. i had the need to express myself someway or another and poem seem to be the shortest way so yay!me feel better now so, give me a big hurray.. and i'm very nervous for tomorrow.. man, i'm shivering (having jitters)... argh!

oh ya.. one more thing, i have a news here... pls help me along..

anyone who wants a rent a floor one and floor two of a shoplot in bukit tinggi?? great price! two floors, onli for RM 2000!

you know who to contact if u wanna rent.. (wink)

titleless

2009-03-10T18:54:00.004+08:00

there is more that meets the eye,
something dark behind those smile..
as she pounce around evrybody else like she always do,
i swear i could see a faint tear on her cheek.

i stood there at one corner,
reaching out for her but fail to do so,
as the nearer i got near to her,
the further away she cringe from me.

its not fair for either of us
to suffer in the sign of silence
as the cold moments passes by,
the burning desire to help seem to falter
along with the growing chill.

no more doubts,
no more pain,
i shall succumb to the fate
wherever it brings me
for i could no longer fight for neither u nor me
sry.

Not fair!

2009-03-08T22:12:00.003+08:00

my job was just to study.. nothing else.. but why loads and loads more stuff are burdening me? now, i'm a salesgirl?!! WTF! sure, 2000 cash is a lot if u actually manage to rent that shoplot, but dude! another job! as if i don have enough work already.. first with prefect, then this stupid public speaking, schoolwork, and now maid is gone, i got housework, and then this stupid salesgirl job.. i'm going berserk!

i... i...

2009-03-06T17:34:00.001+08:00

yipee.. yay.. hurray.. i'm not happy.. i won the semifinals.. but i'm not happy.. i don know why.. i;m not proad of the victory.. i did not do anything bad, mind you.. i did not cheat.. i won fair and square.. but the point is, i'm not happy... next one is the final on 12 march.. i don kno what to do then... i just don know..

one word... W.O.W

2009-03-06T13:29:00.003+08:00

i don know what happen but it just happenned! i wasnt at school and all i know was just someone suddenly tell me that there is a BLOG INVASION so i'm calling an emergency meeting!

evryone gather here~!
there is much to do and little time..

1)make a new address
2)do not inform others unless directly or through phone about the new add.
3) if u love ur old add to much, PUT UP PASSWORDS...
4) i shall put one soon so just read this n follow them..
5) also do not inform others about the password thingy unless directly or through phone.
6) if lazy, then make sure nothing that involves (that) revolves around blog.. OK?

signing out
ashlyn

lalala!

2009-03-02T20:06:00.001+08:00

HA! its the time of the year when i put up exam pollss. so start clicking!!!

desprestion days..

2009-03-01T14:00:00.004+08:00

i think i'm slowly recovering back from the days... the dark days.. hey.. i'm not crazy k.. everyone gets depressed, but some gets permanently depressed and thats where the problem starts.. me? i think i'm recovering a bit la.. at least blogging doesnt seem to be a burden anymore... n i don feel like studying for El aymore.. which is normal for me but bad for me... i just hope i don fail.. argh!

2009-02-27T14:04:00.002+08:00

i don knowww... i'm just tired.. tired of pretending its meant that way.. tired of thinking you're just sick and not sick of me.. tired of thinking i'll always be part of you.. i'm tired... i know, i shouldn't let envy consume me but just this once k? just let me ignore everything else n think that u don want me.. let me just be in sadness. i don want to pretend i'm happy again.. i want to be me... to be a sad little me...
if i'm misunderstanding u again.. i'm sorry but u had built the wall up.. i try to peek but i cant.. i lost my sixth sense.. i don know what ur thinking anymore.. i'm sorry.. but u changed.. u don seemed open to me anymore.. u'd closed the gate...

the stupiest thing ever..

2009-02-27T13:36:00.004+08:00

the whole thing went like this..

all of us focusing on the graph and trying to understand the complicated formula.. i turned over to my left to talk to yashna and i saw something that send my blood boiling to its highest point!

I saw MALVINDRAN CRUSHING & CRUMBLING our (as in lis, yash, nev and my) PARACHUTe!!! I saw his hand gripped the plastic cover, crushing it and THROWNING it back to the table.. i sat and and stare at the crumbled parachute unable to thing anything but to kill MALVINDRAN for two second before asking in a solemn tone, "What did you do, MAlvindran."
"I don't know... I just PUT it back on the table."he replied. OH NO!! He did not just lied when i actually saw him.
"You crumbled it! i saw u!" I felt my voice getting louder.you idiot! I'm not stupid
"Sorry... I ACCIDENTALLY crumbled it..." Hearing those words, something broke inside me. "YOU ACCIDENTALLY CRUMBLED IT??!!! WHO ACCIDENTALLY CRUMBLE STUFF??!!" I lashed it all out in him. I was not being mean to him, it was fair or even too little to pay for what he did.. that stupid jerk!
"I accidentally do it.. you put it there. So, i just took and......"
"DUDE! accidentally???!!! noone does that accidentally!" i shrieked.
"I don know.. you just put it there.. " he turned around and face back his books, totally ignoring me.
"THE LEAST YOU COULD DO WAS TO SAY SORRY RIGHT? INSTEAD OF DENYING!"
"Sorry." He muttered without looking at me or even saying it in the right way. At the tone he said the word meant something like "i don care what happen to ur parachute.. not's my fault.. i onli said sorry cause u asked me to."
Yash just flattened the parachute and sat silently next to me.. how could she be so silent! I need help, back up to teach this guys a lesson.. Or just someone whom i can pour out all the anger in me too... i called Nev and Lis over and complained to them.. They did not do anything but at least i was a little more satisfied after letting more people know what he did.. and now i want the whole blogger zone to know that.. THAT STUPID MALVINDRAN IS A REAL JERK AND PAIN IN THE ASS!

found something..

2009-02-26T14:34:00.002+08:00

THIS WORD! I FOUND THIS WORD...

ready.. its.. its...
the word is...

BESTIALITY

meaning??? guess? best friend? soemthing to do with beast??

its.. its...

Bestiality is sexual activity in which a preson has sex with an ANIMAL!

or to tone it down, there is another meaning which is 'disgusting behavior'

i know.. bestiality.. those humans who does that, unless ur desperate to create a new species, pls don do it.. its just... ewwwww!

what happens when you love someone..

2009-02-25T20:17:00.005+08:00

Its happening, right? we both know something is wrong somewhere.. something right there, waiting for us to grab it but we just keep let it be there.. afraid to face the moment.. we both think its better this way, to be sort of oblivious.. we knew we're both acting strangely but we aint bothering to ask why.. because we already knew why... truth are always harsh.. n it seems we both cant face it.. we try or at least i try to spend more time with u, to enjoy the last few moments but its too hardbreaking... we avoid each other, hoping that this will reduce the pain we will face later.. all this happening proved one thing.. we both do care for each other.. so, all i want to say is, no matter what i hope u wont forget me n i hope we will keep in touch.. lets just not see the dark side of this k? lets try to be blind for i cant face the truth.. we'll just anggap that there would be no communication problems and everything will go well k?.. i will miss you so so much...

love you,
chong hui ying

what happens when you truly love someone?

you would not stop them from seeking their future
you would not advice them of being wrong
you would still help them no matter what

and even if it becomes to heartbreaking,
you still keep silence though ur heart yearns and aches
to tell them to stay..
you show ur yearnings through actions sometimes,
but u quickly regretted them..

for you believe the pathway of ur love ones are treasured
and you would definitely not step in there..
sure, you would follow behind
silently and loyaly
but its onli if the love ones give you their hand,
thats the onli time you would join them

you would not trespass their house or rooms,
but you will never trespass their life.
and onli venture there
when words are allowed

you gathered courage to go through it with them
to make them happy
but when it becomes too laborious
you shun away, leaving them
so that ur mood would not bring them down
for its not worth it for them to suffer for what u feel

When you truly love someone,
you help, stop and wave goodbye.
keeping an unbroken promise that u will always be with them
no matter what...

ignorance is bliss

2009-02-24T23:45:00.002+08:00

ok, maybe i'm a little still obsessed with a story i read but hey, ignorance is good.. i found out that i don dare to confront things anymore.. ok, maybe just one thing.. i try to dissolve in it n not fix it.. not typically me but trust me, i'd try fixing it and lets just say that it did not work out well... so now, when there is a prob, i drown in it n try to go with it.. don worry, its just for one thing.. why i drown in it n not lift it up? cause i'm too coward i guess.. i just don have the guts to see it in ruins again... i cant face it...

love you...

2009-02-23T19:06:00.002+08:00

i'm not all mellow always and yet still making such short post so appreciate this..

life is tough and hard but its just the way life goes.. like u, i would want everything to be easy but hey, since when do that say life is easy?

we're not born with a golden spoon therefore we don get to enjoy much but on the bright side, we enjoy being poor and simple.. we don need to worry bout friedns and stuff like that..we just need to worry about ourself..
so the whole point i wanna say today is that ur not alone.. form 4 life is tough and they say this is where the real journey begins.. so take one big breath and walk that one small step and keep going on..
When ur tired, be still, sit down and rest.. don push urself too much.. its not good.. just keep going on, k? if ur really down, look by ur side and seek help from ur friends.. they're there for u.. i know i'm there for u.. so be happy, k?

you know i love you,
ashlyn

yala!

2009-02-22T20:07:00.003+08:00

i'm really mad.. and not in the crazy way but in the furios way..

the fire in me swells and expands.. finding for more medium to burn on...
i wanna kill someone.. strangle them alive... chop their body into pieces and feed the remains to the dogs.. burn the body into ashes that will be thrown into the seven seas and be blown away on the mountains...
i feel like suffocating someone till their head swelled in deep red colour and their veins showned through their skin, drowning them til they're blue and whole body bloating like a puffer fish... to burn them alive, pour acid on them, pull their nails, hairs, and teeth one by one till they scream and shattered into the ground begging me to stop.. i want to hurt them, to peel off their skin, drag out their bones, smashed those puny little brains, and feed those freaking useless organs to the wolves that surrounded our so called safe housing estate!

UGH!

OII!!

2009-02-20T13:58:00.001+08:00

what type of friends are u?! especially jesslyn.. i thought u said fairux had no blog and onli frienster?? but then why i see the link in ur blog (yes, unfortunately, i onli saw it now)
this is so not fair, after she go onli i know she has one.. haiz..haiz..haiz...

wanna read, then read. don wan, then scoot and scram away!

2009-02-19T21:19:00.005+08:00

“‘Smooth talking Mr. Double minded-jack of all trade’, let’s call him that.” She smiled smugly, obviously proud of her so called ‘genius’ but we all know that she was just self-professing herself.
“Sammy! How could you?! ‘Smooth talking Mr. Double minded-jack of all trade’?! That’s so lame.” Lasy yelled in a horror-stricken voice. What’s wrong with Sam? That nickname or whosoever it meant to be was horrible! The words don’t even get together!
Sam flinched slightly from her best friend’s remark. She never thought she was bad. Everyone knew her and regard her as the best. The quarterbacks flirted endlessly with her, all the students crowed around her, the teachers loved her and the nobody’s practically worshipped her. And truth be told, she has every right to be loved (if you count out the pigheaded part).
Samantha Love Bluis was tall, curvy and lovely. With her fantastic highlighted golden blonde hair, thick red glossy lips, waist and bust the sixes that every girl and boy drools of, long, lean and seductive leg, Samantha was looked on every way.
A slight twinkle of tears wet her amazing green eyes that seemed to be the color of seaweed green, dark oak leaves at the side and shined like emeralds. She suppressed a breakout by taking a big gulf of air. Samantha was not sensitive in any way. She was just not used to be called or told like that. Especially not by her best friend. She shook her head –trying to shake out the words that Lasy spitted to her and to shake off her tears. She stood up, flattened the wrinkles on her short cheerleading dress and took up her tray. It had a big bowl of potato soup plus a plate of Bolognese spaghetti on it and she barely touched them. For her, they have far too much cholesterol for any sane girl to take in. The only reason the horrible fat-filled gruesome stuff were on her plate was because a really hot new guy offered them to her when she was lining up for food. “Why waste it?” she had thought. The guy was cute and the food can always be thrown away later.
@all rights goes to Chong Hui Ying

for those who had flies swarming around your head and question bugging ur mind, pls remember that this has nothing to do with the earlier post. This was just another random thing. nothing to do with Lance, Zacera or Cassy. Actually, this is a reality one, the lance thing was a supernatural one. enjoy.

presidential candidate

2009-02-18T15:18:00.011+08:00

(bear in mind that the title has nothing to do with the post)

I'm dying.. or at least halfway there.. very bengang le! stupid pengawas job... i.. i.. aiyo! don wanna say bout pengawas d.. talk bout something else..

oh.. another weird little post

it is terrible and horrible as i did not re-read and edit. Lots of plots missing and description but i don want to write that long in a post. though if there are some bloggers who insist on me expanding it, then i will. till then, its just a random thing so i did not bother to do anything with it. Inspired from something in my life. Enjoy! n personally, i think it may need some extra dirtyness but its a public blog and my bro has a blog now.. so i aint putting any risk..
so i'd warn u.. this is really terrible.. there should be more feeling, more lust and loveand more nightmare but that would mean longer post and i don wanna get said that i'm boring again.... so just enjoy whatever is here...

She stared into nothingness and glanced briefly at me before turning away. She was holding something back something from me. Something that I could not understand, could not comprehend.
“Cassy.” I cupped her face and turned it towards me. Her black eyes with crimson lining, reflected my blue ones. I stared deeply into her, trying to unlock the fathomless dark secrets and lies beneath them. She had given the keys to me and told me all of them, every single bit... But there was just something, a single shred of secret that she was still keeping from me. One last key that she’d held from me. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
She smiled weakly. “Nothing’s wrong. Why would anything be?” she replied me with an amazing amount of assurance despite her trembling hands. I caught her hand and gave them a small squeeze. “There is something you aren’t telling me. I just know it.”
She giggled. “Who you think you are?! A mind reader or a future teller? I thought I’m supposed to be the only one who is supernatural here? “She snarled back a sassy remark. “Hide it all you want, Cassy. Something is there. Lurking in you.” I thought silently. I looked at her, willing her to understand that I just want to help, that I’m trustworthy. But then I gave it a second thought. Maybe not now, Lance. She’ll tell you someday. She will. She had promised you to tell you everything and she will. She just need some time to convince herself. You knew far too well that she had every reason to hold back
I suppressed a flinch from the last line. She had every reason to hold back. Every. I finally let go of her eyes and looked back at those her hands I’d held tightly. I turned them around, examining and trailing every delicate valentine on her palms softly with my fingers. The night breeze blew her scent on me; lilac plus chestnut. It was her favorite perfume, the one her grandma had given it to her before she died.
Although how much i restrained myself, i couldn't help but to look at her again. Casserine looked stunning tonight even if she was wearing just a plain T-shirt and shorts, with her hair wet from the rain in the evening. Her beautiful fair skin sparkled under the moon, her cherry lip turned slightly into a seductive smile as she glanced over at me, giving me the come-hither look that made my heart skipped twenty beats. It took me lots of self-restrain to not kiss her at that moment. My eyes trailed to her neck. She was wearing the necklace I gave her at our last date. It was a gift I’d treasured a lot. Like her perfume, it was also a gift from my grandma. The white gold chain fitted well with her, my favorite gift along with my favorite girl. I smiled smugly as I thought of it again. She was mine. Really mine.

Out of the blue -somewhere at the end of the scene- I heard a cry from the wolf. Cassy flinched slightly from the cry. Suddenly empathy struck me. It was Zacera! Cassy went to find her! That must be the reason why she insisted me not to follow her; to see Zacera alone. Zacera was the reason why Cassey was on the run. The reason for all her worries. Rage and fury cursed through me. At that moment, I knew exactly what I have to do. I need to kill Zacera. Fast.

@all right goes to Chong Hui Ying

Valentine's day

2009-02-14T22:07:00.002+08:00

i got one gift! well, at least i got one.. this valentine was ok.. ok la.. stole alot of cookies from maye and wei chyi (thx!) and even stole a piece of cake from Goh... (thx Goh)
oh ya.. me bro has a blog now.. its odd.. very odd... and i found out he can write too...
talking about writting, i read a fan-fiction about gossip girl and i got to say that the gal was terrific... though the plot was really odd... but her way of writing is there.. very cun.. but may wanna work up on her plot.
and now, i'm pretty frustrated for a extra long english literature questions that i got to pass up.. dude! i'm like so not in the mood for analysis now... maybe i'll just crack my head tomorrow.. thats all for now i gues.. any nice and juicy valentine's story to share???

you know u love me,
ash

shit man!

2009-02-13T14:33:00.002+08:00

(cry) pengawas very tiresome... haih... homeworks very ma fan... story got problem again (sry maye & narrie).. don blame yash, its my fault i haven send the update to u.. i got to re-do chapter 7... my chapter 7 sucks terribally... my homeworks getting tremendously terrible also.. haih.. oh ya.. i'd read something in newspaper (yes, i read stuff) n i found out something call the law of attraction (not the one like ming hui and ling fong one) but another one.. its bout life and they tell u abit about it -its actually a book.
the main point is that, he -who wrote the book- tells us all that when we think negative, we bring negative stuff to us.. so always think positive and u'll bring positive stuffs to urself too... its the vibes that our body create; positive or bad, u'll attract them on ur own will.. unconciously, u might have been pulling urself down.. so, and never say never, cant and don.. i know, i'm saying it now.. he said that it'll cause negative thinking.. thats why he ask us to not think like that... understand, calss? the main main conclusion is just; think positive!

tc n have a nice day..
u know u love me
ashlyn

no!

2009-02-12T18:38:00.003+08:00

why me? i missed an experiment.. a napthalene one.. i want to do.. not fair (cry) and all because of wat? because of stupid pengawas.. yes, its stupid.. ok, i'm craving for something sweet now.. but since half of the time -or most of the time- my house doesnt have any snacks at all, i'll just make me a milo.. au revoir... n i'm still sulking for missing an exp....

unlucky.. ME

2009-02-10T18:02:00.003+08:00

just like everyone else, my life has ups and downs.. i have even teribble down which involves:-

a) losing a Tupperware brand bottle
b) Camera (CANON)
c) MP4

and i thought i'd been through a lot and i can finally hit the highway when i hit something BIG on the curve! SOMETHING VERY BIG!

I.... lost.... MY... f*&^%$#@... BICYCLE!!!

dude! i'd made sure i'd locked it right before going into et for my chemist class and when i came back down, it was lost.. LOST!!!!

the thing to lock ur bicycle was CUT!!! it WAS CUT!!! its the rubber type with iron strings inside n the cut it.. man! I know its a mountain bike but its more than 3 yrs old and its mine!! don u think i had enough losses for a life time??!!!

I put it in front of the restaurant, facing the highway.. someone should have seen the culprit right ... :'( this is so not fair!!! i'd lost so many stuff...

i'm so doom.. i don think i might get anything else in life anymore.. ntg... ntg.. then, at night, i will have to face my parents.. God pls help me...

whats wrong with today? why am i so so so so unlucky??!!! god! a bicycle!! it cost RM199!!!!! who the heck am i gonna get this much of money?!?!

ha-ha

2009-02-09T16:12:00.003+08:00

i found out something..

all of us (at least me and alvina) has mastered the art of procrastination.. and its a bad thing.. seriously.. procrastination has became the art of my life.. especially in the homework sector..

idioms of the day ~!

2009-02-09T14:08:00.002+08:00

IF IT ISN'T BROKEN, WHY FIX IT?

Example: Her outlook was 'if it isn;t broken, why fix it?' She puts up with a lot i wouldn't tolerate.

sorry

2009-02-07T17:20:00.003+08:00

i'm sorry for not listening

i'm sorry for telling u what to d0

i'm sorry for thinking that u don trust me

i'm sorry for thinking i wasn't worth it

i'm sorry for not respecting ur type of living

i'm sorry for not respecting ur thought

i'm sorry for not being attentive enough

i'm sorry for being attention-seeking

i'm sorry for counting on u too much

i'm sorry for not being able to be what u wish me to

i'm sorry for not being there for u when u need me too

i'm sorry for not being a supportive friend that u needded

i'm sorry for thinking that i was easily replaceable

i'm sorry for being easily jealous

i'm sorry for being over-protective

i'm sorry for being blind

i'm sorry for being deaf

i'm sorry for not being able to give u laughters like others do

i'm sorry for being biased

i'm sorry for influencing u

i'm sorry for my argumentativeness behavior

i'm sorry for being rude

i'm sorry for thinking i'm always right

i'm sorry for thinking u are wrong

i'm sorry for everthing

is it just a dream?

2009-02-07T16:46:00.002+08:00

best friend forever

i don know its true or not.. i thought dreams comes true.. but i was wrong.. i had believed in the wrong stuff... n i guess, i deserved it all then. i was wrong to believe in dreams and wishes... that a true friend existed. that my humongeous dream can come true.. i was wrong...

holding on

2009-02-06T21:45:00.004+08:00

first of aLL, i want to say sorry that i don add links cause i very malas.. sorry.

second of all, i would like to say thank you for evrything...

third of all, i'm damned freaked out..

why?

cause all in the sudden, i'm packed with stuff to do n i don know how... especially the essay thing.. how to write essay??!!!

forth of all, i hate myself for holding grudges...

fifth of all, maybe i'm biased but i just don like the way some people live their life on.. the moto or their principal of life are wrong if u ask me... ok, i'm biased.. sry lo...

sixth of all, i need more holidays as in seriously...

seventh of all, i don know why but i'm seriously tensed up.. ok, maybe i know a little why...

eighth of all, bye bye naim... oh n fairux too if u ever check out my blog...

nineth of all, don bother asking me why i'm tensed up, i think its the same with every teenage.. homeworks and stuff.. mine just had a few extra stuff.

tenth and the last of all (at least for this post), have faith, guys...

love,
ashlyn

another one..

2009-02-03T18:22:00.005+08:00

hey, i created a new one n i want to show u in case you have any problems creating one.. u can always refer to brandon (wai lam) or yashna for tips for the peom making..

i onli have one tips: write our wat u want. but just in a different way, not story way... ^^

the new one is more to symbolism. different from the other one and its shorter n MUCH MUCH more boring if u cant stand poem.. so u know that u can actually write symbolism type or just feelings.. (plus, there is no must to rhyme but if ur a good rhymer, [i'm a terrible n disasterous one in that] it is better for u to try n rhyme)

What i saw at the end of the wood

I see a forked stream at the end of the wood I’d trekked,
And a toddler playing at its bay.
A small piece of red paper in his hand was turned quickly,
By skillful small hands into a small paper boat.

He gazed at the boat once last time,
With a deep breath,
He rest it on the flowing stream,
And down it went along the current.

Will it reach the end of the stream into the big ocean?
Will it crash upon a rock or bitten by fishes?
And more importantly,
Which way at the forked end, will it flow to?
The left or right?

I gave a shrug and went on my way
For I understood the way life goes,
Like the boat on the water,
Flowing based on human’s will,
Controlled by God’s words,
It will go to where the heart belongs.

@all rights goes to chong hui ying

and hey! have a nice day! xoxo

Voila~!

2009-02-02T14:45:00.005+08:00

ok, i did the poem my english teacher asked me to make in just... 20 mins? seriously! i was lucky la that i was in the right mood. but it sucks terribly! no symbolisms though... i just have feelings in it.. i hope u can see the complication in her. so, i want to post it up.. pls don copy mine.. the copyrights are mine.. pls don take it.. if u do, all my bloggers gang will be my witnesses in the court where i shall sue you!

Another choice

It was one of those days where everything flows smoothly,
But I had refused to let me guards down
As there was no way that I could enjoy the gay moments,
When I foresee another day;
The day where I have to make yet, another torturing choice.

Will I choose the right one?
Will I regret?
As clearly as I know about the nature of human,
That it was not all crime to think that the grass will always be greener on the other side,
I still despise myself for drowning along this fright.
If only a detour was available,
It would have saves me a lot of worries.

I wish what I’ll choose would be the right pick,
As I cannot afford to be wrong.
None comes when none effort is given,
And it is customary to strive and trudge along the choice you made no matter what,
Yet there are still times when the journey makes it all worthless.

The earlier pathway had led me to this paradise,
But will I get to enjoy it all again the next time
I reach the goal of yet another path?

And now here I stand one more time,
Halted by another choice,
Both seem equally perilous and laborious,
At the same time, tempting and impregnable.
What is right seems to be left;
For everything appears familiar as well as similar on both sides.

I should know that everything is in God’s plan.
Everything will have a happy ending,
That it doesn’t matter what you choice,
Faith and trust are all you need.
And so, I bow down my head and pray,
For His guidance to show me right line.

With the time running fast and decisions to be made,
I cross my finger and packed with a little faith,
I take a step forward.

I chose the way that glitters in my eyes,
Though other one definitely seemed more secured.
In the very end, I chose my heart.
Hoping it would not be wrong.

@all rights goes to chong hui ying

I think its too long though.. i'll make a new one soon, five minutes before the dateline to pass it up. That would great!

DUDE~!

2009-01-25T23:09:00.006+08:00

MAN! they are hot!! god! i'm half fainting here... ok, breath ash... still hyperventilating here, though.. haha, my cousin's seeing this with me.. wait.. i'm fanning her.. she just fainted.. man, did we squeal or wat??!! god! i want a vampire! or at least let me be one! pretty please?

everyone out there

2009-01-25T22:27:00.000+08:00

so, can i know is the new stuff working or was it too boring? seriously, i din get any response from us guys.. so pretty pls tell me its the thing a thumbs up or down?

signing off,
ashlyn

The continuation

2009-01-23T22:55:00.005+08:00

We reached school about 6:50pm. Alvina and I got off the car with Miss Marla’s niece still inside the car. She never gets off the transport of her aunt until it’s almost time for the morning assembly which is at 7:20pm. I was told by Alvina that the reason for such behavior of hers was because she doesn’t have any friends. Poor girl. I’d tried convincing her to make more friends but I wasn’t persuasive enough that day as I was tired from another cross country training that day. Plus, I only did it that day because it wasn’t Miss Marla who fetched me. It was Miss Marla's boyfriend and I relied on the fact that men dislike chick talk to convice me that he shall want not overhear. I wanted to continue it but it seems way awkward to have the whole persuasion counsel session with Miss Marla around. That boyfriend of hers never drove us back anymore. I still see him sometimes with Miss Marla but never just him.
“Let me guess, you did not bring your number?” Alvina asked me after she saw that I only brought my bottle along. I smacked my head and cried, “Dang! I’m sorry. No, I did not bring. I guess I’ll just ask from Mrs. Lee again.” Mrs. Lee was the Lekir’ house captain who took care of all the numbers given.
“She would let you get a new one?”
“I think so, she told me that she will prepare some more for tomorrow as in today in case there might be anyone who forgot to take it yesterday and of course, for people like me too, who forgot to bring their number.” I sighed. I liked the number that I chose yesterday. It was 1566, and it does sounds like a pretty lucky number to me.
“Hey, Alvina. I want to go 7 Eleven first. I have not taken any breakfast.” I complained. My stomach wasn't awake enough to detect the fact that my stomach was empty yet but my brain warned me that i still need food. I can’t run 7.5 km with an empty stomach!
“Wait, I need to pass up this karangan book first.” She said as she dropped her bag at a nearby hallway and pull me towards the teacher’s room.
“I don’t think its open this early, Alvina.” She paused to consider my thought. “Ya, you’re right.” I turned her around and walked to the front gate instead.
“Oh, come on! At least let me put my book back to my bag. You don’t expect me to actually bring the book there right?”
“Actually I do. Just move, Alvina.” Unwillingly, she followed my sudden hard pull on her elbow towards the school gate.

me continue tomorrow... my eyes wanna die d.. they need rest...

try this on for size...

2009-01-23T15:09:00.007+08:00

ok, i just found out that my posts were a little sad so i'm trying to make it merrier now! oh ya.. i wanna try this stuff. pls rate and comment... (the last sentence has a special meaning to yash)

D-DAY

I woke up a little dazed this morning. It was not because I lacked of sleep -I slept quite early yesterday, around 11- but because I had terrible battle with my body before I finally dozed off. Thinking back about the pain i endured last night gives me creeps. I had a terrible chest pain last night and it took me quite a while before I could even regain my composure enough to fall asleep. I’m still not sure what had caused it. It could be cause of gastric or maybe some weird bizarre new disease and I was the first victim to actually die for it. But for now, I’m going to just leave all those question to rest first. I have bigger things to worry about.
For example, the fact that SMKBU will be having their ‘marathon’ today aka a gruesome and terrible 7.5km race and I’m both psyched and nervous about it. Psyched because I might actually win this race and running can be pretty cool at times. AT TIMES. And of course, I’m nervous because I might lose. It shouldn’t be a big deal to me; not everyone can win, there must be one who shall be the loser in order to enable the other to be a winner. I knew that perfectly well but my pathetic competitive brain wouldn’t give me a break.
Miss Marla (the greedy fellow who drives me and Alvina to school and charges us impossible high fair) came early today. As soon as I stepped on the last step on the staircase leading to the living room floor from the second floor, her car horn was heard. I wasn’t even done yet! In a flash, I climbed back up the stairs two steps at a time and barked down orders to my smaller brother, Peter. He quickly passed me a considerate amount of pocket money which he took from dad’s wallet (with permission of course!) and I grabbed my bottle and socks (yes, I failed wear it in the house because of the rush) before jumping into the ugly gold Wira. Stupid driver, yesterday she arrived much later than usual and now she’s damn bloody early! UGH!
“Good morning, Miss Marla.” She nodded and asked me if there were still anything I forgot to bring; I had forgotten about my necktie and vest one day and my bottle on the other day. I'm pretty harebrained and forgetful for a typical 16 years old. Yashna even has this theory, "Ash lends her brain to others on every normal days and gets them back only when there is a test".
I replied Miss Marla with a polite sheepish laugh and said no. In a few minutes time, we –we as in Miss Marla and her niece who goes to the same school as me- reached Alvina’s house. Once she stepped into the car, we gossiped in Chinese just like every other day. We do not usually talk about important stuff, just some silly rubbish conversation but we do not want to risk it. We might have slipped something important or mean about others when we speak in English and Miss Marla could easily use them on us. So, better stay on the safe side and speak Chinese.

You know what, i wanted to continue but i had already reached 516 words. So, i better stop for now... Bye bye and tc...
ashlyn...

P.s: no mean remarks, yash... it seems a little but quizilla standard but hey, its just a blog.

there is something in the air

2009-01-18T20:11:00.003+08:00

can u feel it? oh ya i could.. the blogging society is back man! which is cool and also not cool... cool because blogging is kinda nice, not cool cause blogging has its side effects... i think the only reason blog is here again is because of school life, there is stuff to tell again; eventhough its terrible stuff.

so that brought another atmosphere... tension! UGH! i hate homeworks.. i hate homeworks.. i hate homework.. i hate homeworks (i could go on forever here). ok, i think i better stop, guess u all got the idea d..

haih.. strange enough, i miss the holidays... its tiresome cause i have to work but i had more writing passion those days.. n i miss those days... haih...

i admit it

2009-01-16T16:42:00.002+08:00

1) ok, fine. i'm not right on track yet.. but nearly there.. but come on, i thought obssesiveness was part of me?

2) and ya, story is still not moving. it did budge a page but just one page.. one FREAKING page!!!! ugh!

3) sometimes, stories characters should be real.. as in real!!!

4) hey, nevdeep has almond eyes! alvina has chestnut brown ( i think) and mel has a brown plus a little cinnamon tone in there... me? i don know.. yash has dark brown. And yes, i have a thing for brown eyes.. but not almond.. something deeper brown like mohagany maybe... (P.S: yash has a thing for GREEN eyes!)

5)dude, anyone know where can one get a homework dooer? i'm still not finishing up my homeworks here!

6) tuitions and extra subjects sucks!

7) i hate studies!

8) i wanna sleep! as in desperately!

9)i'm writting in number form cause its like the onli stuff u bloggers could understand... u all don seem like to understand much when i write in paragraphs...

10) LAST BUT NOT LEAST... i so desperately need a time-machine now.. as in seriously!

au revoir and take care... love ya (sort of)...
ashlyn

OMG!

2009-01-15T15:03:00.003+08:00

1) don worry, i'm over my depression period (if anyone ever noticed) and i'm back on track... though i'm still not finishing up my homeworks... hehe

2) AND OMG! u guys are terrible! i know blog is dead la but u all still update posts right? Come on, i commented in urs but some pay bakc pls?? i update that long d but ONLY 1, only 1 person commented (tq, Naim).

3) school is still hectic though... i know its the same with everyone.. there's like a thousand of homeworks yet there's just no time to do them.. so, don worry, i'm in the same gang with u.. ;P

4)i'd been stalking authors lately.. as in real URBUN FANTASY AUTHORS!!! on twitters la.. totally cool though its sort of intimates me on how cool an author can be.. one word to describe them; totally cool. ok, maybe two words. i'm planning on buying caitkitt's book. don judge a book by its cover but her twitters are kinda cool and so i might wanna try reading her book. and michelle rowen's too.. they seems pretty cool... very cool...

5)Merentas desa kills people, LITERARY! gosh! i lost all my stamina! ALL!!!! i cant belive it.. i cant run on the practice yesterday.. i practically have to drag my legs just to move on.. and yes, they hurt a lot today... each agonizing steps are like screaming; "no, don move... kill me or sit down! jsut don move! AUCH!" ya.. like that.

6) have a nice day! ^^

Busy life

2009-01-09T21:34:00.000+08:00

seriously, i really don know how to cope these days.. i have thousands of homeworks yet i so badly want to read or write stories. But reading is worst as writing can be avoided by writer's block (its just something writers have when they're stuck in somewhere in the book. unable to write even another word next.) YOu see, reading them is a whole new chapter. Its like a hobby i couldn't stop, even just reading excerpts do me good. Evrything else is put on hold. I'm just doing stuff when i need to not doing any preparations that i should make. Its bad, i know but a gal has to have a break of her own. I don know how u do it Goh but i'm trying k? Sometimes i wish the time will just paused. Let me finish all my homeworks and then start back. it would be pretty cool ha?

And there is also some other stuff bothering me... like what i want to be. Truthfully, i'm doubting my talents or interest now. I mean i love psychology and i have a basic understanding of it but i don know but you guys, psychology tires me out. Yup, meantally, after a session of interpreting and reading thoughts, i feel all worn out. N i love science too but loving science yet sucks in physics and not understanding bio is a big no no.

And oh ya, i really like writting too. Its something that comes in a strong passion like the ardent passion i have for animals and environment. I know someone else who feels like me too; yashna. She has what it takes to write and even more. She seems to know her course pretty well too, unlike me. writting has also became something different for me now; i think i have change my witting style.. Well, that's what i think la.

so, conclusion? i'm still pretty clueless. And one last thing.. for all those bloggers out there, pls write what u want to write in them.. don hold back. writing posts also show who you really are. n i found some pretty cool facts extracted from all ur writing style. so, gambateh?

all of u, pls pls pray that i will somehow manage it all... ok? i mean manage all my stories and homeworks. oh ya plus the song writing too though i have been holding back song writing -due to my story with yash and also cause of its pretty hard to write lyrics. pls and thank you.